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2010-08-26T23:40:00.002+08:00

HELLO PEOPLE!
I'VE SHIFTED TO A BRAND NEW BLOG! PLEASE RELINK ME! :)

HERE!

2010-08-21T21:59:00.001+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday, Yeo Guo Hong Kenneth!

May all your wishes come true, & a successful man as the years approach you. Be happy & smile always. I hope you had a fruitful day :)

2010-08-12T17:07:00.003+08:00

Pretty babes! ♥

Attend Yuning's Birthday. It was indeed a fruitful day! Hot babes, Hot hunks! :D HAHA. I didn't know singing at the top of your lungs could be as fatigue as it may seemed. But it felt so much better then I figment! All the anguish, sorrows. Thanks Yuning for that day! It was perfect.

In this world, there's real and make-believe.. It's a matter of your perspective. Sheltering in false hopes or waking up to the brutal truth ? I was still looking for a glimmer of hope on this relationship with you. But, despite giving you umpteen of chances, once again you annihilate it. You brought me living in doubts, living a despicable thoughts that all guys are the same, all guys are just players in reality. Nothing last forever. It stirred up emotions lost in the abyss of my broken heart. I was elated but sadness lingered. The theory of "getting into a relationship to forget another" isn't a good solution for the broken-hearted parties. But tell me.. Who can stand unrequited love ? Even if you can.. For how long ?

Diamonds found, at the Gates of Sight..

They sparkle like Stars, in this Heart-Breaking Night..

Like Fountains they Fall, from a tremendous Height..

But when Morning comes, they hide Behind the Light..

It's just a little too late, a little too wrong.

2010-08-05T20:39:00.000+08:00

i love you mommy, but you don't love me :(

Hi, Mommy. I'm your baby. You don't know me yet, I'm only a few weeks old. You're going to find out about me soon, though, I promise. Let me tell you some things about me. My name is John, and I've got beautiful brown eyes and black hair. Well, I don't have it yet, but I will when I'm born. I'm going to be your only child, and you'll call me your one and only. I'm going to grow up without a daddy mostly, but we have each other. We'll help each other, and love each other. I want to be a doctor when I grow up.

You found out about me today, Mommy! You were so excited, you couldn't wait to tell everyone. All you could do all day was smile, and life was perfect. You have a beautiful smile, Mommy. It will be the first face I will see in my life, and it will be the best thing I see in my life. I know it already.

Today was the day you told Daddy. You were so excited to tell him about me! ...He wasn't happy, Mommy. He kind of got angry. I don't think that you noticed, but he did. He started to talk about something called wedlock, and money, and bills, and stuff I don't think I understand yet. You were still happy, though, so it was okay. Then he did something scary, Mommy. He hit you. I could feel you fall backward, and your hands flying up to protect me. I was okay... but I was very sad for you. You were crying then, Mommy. That's a sound I don't like. It doesn't make me feel good. It made me cry, too. He said sorry after, and he hugged you again. You forgave him, Mommy, but I'm not sure if I do. It wasn't right. You say he loves you... why would he hurt you? I don't like it, Mommy.

Finally, you can see me! Your stomach is a little bit bigger, and you're so proud of me! You went out with your mommy to buy new clothes, and you were so so so happy. You sing to me, too. You have the most beautiful voice in the whole wide world. When you sing is when I'm happiest. And you talk to me, and I feel safe. So safe. You just wait and see, Mommy. When I am born I will be perfect just for you. I will make you proud, and I will love you with all of my heart.

I can move my hands and feet now, Mommy. I do it because you put your hands on your belly to feel me, and I giggle. You giggle, too. I love you, Mommy.

Daddy came to see you today, Mommy. I got really scared. He was acting funny and he wasn't talking right. He said he didn't want you. I don't know why, but that's what he said. And he hit you again. I got angry, Mommy. When I grow up I promise I won't let you get hurt! I promise to protect you. Daddy is bad. I don't care if you think that he is a good person, I think he's bad. But he hit you, and he said he didn't want us. He doesn't like me. Why doesn't he like me, Mommy?

You didn't talk to me tonight, Mommy. Is everything okay?

It's been three days since you saw Daddy. You haven't talked to me or touched me or anything since that. Don't you still love me, Mommy? I still love you. I think you feel sad. The only time I feel you is when you sleep. You sleep funny, kind of curled up on your side. And you hug me with your arms, and I feel safe and warm again. Why don't you do that when you're awake, any more?

I'm 21 weeks old today, Mommy. Aren't you proud of me? We're going somewhere today, and it's somewhere new. I'm excited. It looks like a hospital, too. I want to be a doctor when I grow up, Mommy. Did I tell you that? I hope you're as excited as I am. I can't wait.

...Mommy, I'm getting scared. Your heart is still beating, but I don't know what you are thinking. The doctor is talking to you. I think something's going to happen soon. I'm really, really, really scared, Mommy. Please tell me you love me. Then I will feel safe again. I love you!

Mommy, what are they doing to me!? It hurts! Please make them stop! It feels bad! Please, Mommy, please please help me! Make them stop!

Don't worry Mommy, I'm safe. I'm in heaven with the angels now. They told me what you did, and they said it's called an abortion.

Why, Mommy? Why did you do it? Don't you love me any more? Why did you get rid of me? I'm really, really, really sorry if I did something wrong, Mommy. I love you, Mommy! I love you with all of my heart. Why don't you love me? What did I do to deserve what they did to me? I want to live, Mommy! Please! It really, really hurts to see you not care about me, and not talk to me. Didn't I love you enough? Please say you'll keep me, Mommy! I want to live smile and watch the clouds and see your face and grow up and be a doctor. I don't want to be here, I want you to love me again! I'm really really really sorry if I did something wrong. I love you!

I love you, Mommy.

Every abortion is just…

One more heart that was stopped.
Two more eyes that will never see.
Two more hands that will never touch.
Two more legs that will never run.
One more mouth that will never speak.

*This story touches my heart deeply.

2010-08-04T21:20:00.003+08:00

Kenneth, does this Winnie The Pooh brings back those overflowing priceless memories back to you ?

Just a blink of eyes, time flies. I still think of you, but not as frequent as compared to the past. Pressing myself to study, that is my first priority in life. Isn't that what you wanted, love ? I'm gonna proof to you that, I will not bring disappointment to you. I still love you, you motivated me even though your presence does not exist any longer. I don't need a lot of things, I can get by with nothing. Of all the blessings life can bring. I've always needed something, but I've got all I want when it comes to loving you. You're the hope that moves me, to courage me again. You're the love that rescues me, when the cold winds and rage. And look how amazing it could be, cause that's just how you are. You're my only reason, you're my only truth. There's a freedom in your arms, that carries me through. You're the man who understands me excellently, please ask yourself, am I able to bring other new man in my world ?I am sorry, they don't have the authority. I can't turn back now, cause you've brought me too far. I love you, yes I do.

2010-07-31T22:31:00.005+08:00

Ruoheng came over to my house, spent 9hours together. We did many adventurous stuffs that includes studying! Thanks dear.

Looks like, the filthy omen is back to me. It has been degrading me these few days. Certainly, I was so much happier back then. When you name appears on my phone, you can dissolve speedily everything within me ? Surfacing my empathy right here it's totally a waste of time. HAHA! Hana is back into the indistinct side. In my own privacy & solitude, I feel so much better. It's way too great to bury your feelings alive, safe & sound within yourself.

2010-07-27T16:11:00.004+08:00

Patience & perseverance have magical effects,

before which difficulties disappear & obstacle vanish.

Don't doubt my love for you, cause it's true till now & forever it will be. Love touch us one time & last for a life time, love was when I loved you one true time I hold to, in my life we'll always go on. The truth will ultimately come to light someday. Constantly, 11:11 whether be it day or night it keeps on chasing me like it was trying to convey me a message. Many told me it's a habit, but it definitely wasn't. I believe in celestials, they're indirectly trying to imply to me something which left me in curiosity from time to time. Reality is just way too cruel for us. You triggered my mind, my heart, my soul. Don't you realise someone is missing you ? It's me whose missing you.

2010-07-25T17:23:00.002+08:00

Waiting for someone who will never come back is the most fatigue thing. No matter how hard you try to win him back, everything is just to be so.. futile. Frequently, even when I know we're clearly not suitable for each other, I still want to try it out anyway, and see if we can literally find a small balance where we can rest at. I don't wanna forget the past, I'll just keep it as one of my lifetime stories. That quite past will become sustenance. I know I must stop looking back, cause if I do.. I'll never improve. So what does, "You're not up to my standard." means ? Modernise your mind, will you ? From time to time, I don't see the bad qualities in you, I just want you to know you've cultivate me ever since we took our first step together. Even if I can't be the man I love in this life, everything we had between each other will become my inspiration in my art work. Take it as when you're stacking building blocks. If you want to stack them higher , you have to build a steady base.

Perhaps, our fate had already taken on different paths.

2010-07-21T19:37:00.004+08:00

Sullen routines just seem to appear in my life permanently now. Seeing someone celebrating his birthday, all those delighted memories came overflowing my mind, how I put in my heart & soul to make everything up on your Birthday when you were just 17 years old. I miss those past. Practically, I've learn something, "Apologies doesn't mean you're neither right nor wrong same goes for the opposite party, it just mean how much you value your relationship more than your egotism." If you're to step back into my life again, I'll treat you right like how I first begun my babysteps with you. I'll love you more than before with all my heart. I feel discontented with myself for not being able to understand the undergoing penalty of life enduring all the pain all by yourself no matter how grouchy your situation is and for not loving you more. Have you heard, "Love doesn't need a reason." ? Haven't you ? Well, I guess something proves me wrong. I pondered, perhaps there MIGHT be reasons why I would love you so much that makes it harder for me to move on. But the reason is unexplainable as well as it's unknown. I give my first love to you. I can't stand seeing me & you treating each other as a familiarise stranger. If you were here by my side this instantaneous moment, maybe I'll know what to the next step. But I know one things' for sure is that, I can't always depend on your forever. I must know where I should stand, stand up on my feet. Asshole, you make me miss you so much.

I want to make it hard for you, impossible to forget me.

I want to have that kind of positive impact on you,

whereby you know you'll never find someone who can take my place in your heart.

And I want that because that's what you are to me..

2010-07-19T20:41:00.003+08:00

HELLO MR. YEO GUO HONG KENNETH! CALL ME & TALK TO ME! I KNOW YOU'RE PERSEVERING TENDING THE STALL. I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I NEED TO HEAR YOUR VOICE TO GET ME THROUGH THE DAY! I DON'T CARE ALREADY! IT'S TIME I PUT YOUR HUMONGOUS NAME ON MY BLOG!

How reminiscing when those times you & I were talking on the phone for hours non-stop. Then way you said, I love you & the "Muacks".

2010-07-19T17:00:00.009+08:00

I wanna grow old with you, can I ? ♥

I wish that I had never met you then there would be no need to impress you. No need to want you. No need for loving you. No need merciless cries over you. No need for heartbreaks. No need neither pain nor tears. No need for empty promises & false hopes. No need for rejected hugs. No need for crying myself to sleep. No need for acting like you care. No need, for everything you've done to make me feel absolutely nothing.

But then again, I'm glad I did meet you. Cause you were the one who always asked me if anything was wrong. You were the one who love me for who I am, internally & externally. The one who cared when everyone else didn't. The one who listened. The one who stayed up late just to talk random stuffs even though you're fatigue from day till night, to keep me charmed. You were the one who I told secrets to. The one who cultivates me. The one who laughed at my cold jokes. The one who did things, just for me..

You were my everything. I entrusted you my heart, my soul, my mind. Everything that I did for you, I put in my heart & soul. My heart has always been open for the one & only you, you have the key, the potion to unlock & to cast off. Please access it. I'm still waiting for you to enter into my life once again.

I wanna walk down the aisle with you, letting the whole world witness it all. That's where I say, "I do."

2010-07-17T00:00:00.010+08:00

17th January 2008, 3:25pm

Purely, this time & date was retained in my heart till now and forever it will be.

If we are still side by side till now. It will be our..

2years 6months anniversary. But it's all over.

It came to instantaneously in an hour of weakness, everything just came crushing down upon me.

It's hard to get through such a sour routine everyday without you.

If I tell you how much I love you still, how much I miss you still..

Would you care ?

Apprehensively, I shouldn't put such a high degree on you that you would be coming back to a certain extent. Because, words are meant to be smoothly said.

Just like how we said that we'll last infinitely. But things came too rapidly. It was all gone to soon.

I would take all the liability, the responsibility.

A reflection, I condemn myself for being such a wit.

If you're here, at my crying existence, reading this post..

Please accept the fact that, I still love you.

I would do anything, JUST ANYTHING, to modify & rebuild the depreciation that parted us.

I guess, preferably, I would be wishing myself alone cause I love you till the end.

Be happy, I believe you'll get through this phase unaccompanied by anyone.

Your grief will be over soon. SMILE! :D

Hana, Happy 2years 6months anniversary.

2010-07-16T17:06:00.002+08:00

Before long the sounds of the day were pressing on me, the occasional smile that leaked out my face genuine, frightening but genuine. With the support and emotional respect they showed me, I was able to slightly loosen that stranglehold I kept on my emotions and feelings. I had hidden all my feelings so deep and for so long that it was incredible to rediscover them. Like so much else in my life, it was emotionally crushing down upon me. It took me a while to accept what my feelings were really telling me. What I fear most now is that I'm enduring: a life of pain. And now look where I am, I'm strung out once again, and I'm back to the same old routine of hiding it all from everyone. Inside I wanted to spill my guts and have someone who cared for me reach out and simply hold me.

2010-07-14T19:53:00.006+08:00

A sheer sense of emptiness is overpowering my mind. Have you consider about my feelings ? & you want me to tolerate & could literally care about THEIR feelings ? Brilliant! Claps.

Broken.

2010-07-14T18:22:00.002+08:00

I took things for granted. I was naive, because I thought you would give in to me all the time. I couldn't withstand mocking remarks. Everytime when we had controversy within the both of us, I wouldn't admit defeat despite any setbacks. I was demanding, I never trusted you, instead I choose to get my ears on a secondhand information. I'm always yearning for your love, I never went to bother and understand your situation no matter how intensive it might be. I wanted things in my own way. I was stubborn, an ignorant brat. I could see a definite change in you. Upon hearing that girls' had infatuation on you, and literally had the backbone to hold your hand ever though when I'm still with you. You wanted to get rid of her hands, but you were petrified that you might ended up aching an innocent girl's empathy. Therefore, you authorised her. In my own privacy and solitude, I pondered that I might know a third party would be so diligent enough to deliberately find means and ways to get us torn apart just like how that bastard deceived you to make you feel in doubt. If god were to torture us in the game of love, to let us know how strong our love bond is.. Ultimately, I would accept his proposal. Don't turn your back on me, please don't push me away to any guys. Even though I have the passion for those douche bags out there, everything might be just a puppy love, because it can never be the way I loved you. I'm utmost willing to heed any advices of yours, but just once, I have to apologise that I've got to rebel this upon you, to be stubborn & await your return no matter how long it takes. I just want things constantly settled down for you. It's all because of me, you ended up peerless. If wouldn't it be me, things would not ended up in this strained position for you. No matter how apologetic I may be, I cannot amend everything back for you. I feel extremely remorseful. But all I want you to know is that even thought everyone else were to leave you in solitary alone.. I would be there for you. Pick you up whenever you fall. You fought so hard to get the best of the best for me. I never cherish you until you were gone. Regarding about my parents, like wise you've said that they too, wanted the best for me. If that find day, the day when I got married wasn't the man I love but you, wouldn't I myself to permit my parents to see my in agony ? It's my life, my love. Not theirs. I won't regret because I love you. Remember the vows, the promises we made ? Through weakness and strength, happiness and sorrow, for better for worse, whether be it wealthy or poor, we'll stay together and overcome all those obstacles ahead of us. Work hard and compromises to maintain a good relationship, it takes 2 hands to clap. I doubt you haven't forgotten about it/ I've made up my mind, if I love you, no matter how hard life is, I'll be there to go through it with you. It's because of love, not out of sympathy. It doesn't matter, how imperfect you are, or how imperfect am I, I'll still be with you. It's your choice, not chance that decide your destiny. And my destiny would be, you..

2010-07-12T23:04:00.009+08:00

You're just like my guardian angel. Endlessly protecting.

As I'm writing this down post for you, in my hours of weakness, merciless tears coming out from my heart unbearably. Making you choke every now & than. Overwhelmed with greatest fear what you've got to say up next, when you said you wanted me to be happy to move on with guys whose worthy of my love than you. You guard me from everything, from harm. A sense of assurance that you still love me, you cared & give me your ultimate concern. & to actually see if the guy is up to my standard, whether his internal were as good as you said. It's fucking heartrending when you sit right beside me & I can't have you. You said you don't want me to bear hardships. Unconditional love, I'm all ready & utmost willingly to go through it with you. The surrounded souls around me, including you might think I'm a wit, girls wouldn't go for hardships with guys. Why are you such a fucking fool to endure hardships with a guy. Initially, this is called love. LOVE! FUCKING GET IT ?! NOT OUT OF SYMPATHY! I know it makes you dissatisfy to see me bearing the destitution with you. But when you fucking said you didn't want me to live with you do you think it'll be happy for me ? Fuck you very much! You said I never tried to open my whole heart to someone, substantially, I goddamn it fucking did! I FUCKING HATE IT WHEN MY EMOTIONS ARE JUST APPEARS TO BE SO OBVIOUS. THE WHOLE WORLD JUST CAME CRASHING ME DOWN, THE FUCKING WHOLESOME PRESSURE JUST CAME ON ADDING & ADDING & FUCKING ADD! EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A FUCKING REASON, IT'S JUST TOO RAPIDLY! I'M LITERALLY FACING A FUCKING BREAK DOWN. YOU SAID YOU UNDERSTAND ME, DO YOU FUCKING DID ? I KNOW YOU FUCKING CARE FOR ME, YOU WANTED ME TO HAVE THE FUCKING BEST. IF THIS IS WHAT THAT MAKES YOU FUCKING HAPPY, FOR YOU & ME. BUT FUCK, HAVE YOU FUCKING CONSIDER ABOUT MY FUCKING EMPATHY ?! HAVE YOU ?! I WANTED YOU SO BADLY. BUT I KNOW THINGS ARE NEVER GONNA BE THE SAME EVER AGAIN. YOU FUCKING SAID THIS IN THE PAST, YOU AND I: THROUGH WEAKNESS & STRENGTH, HAPPINESS AND SORROW, FOR BETTER FOR WORSE, WHETHER BE IT RICH OR POOR, I'LL STILL STAY BY YOUR SIDE. YOU FUCKING SAID WE'LL OVERCOME ANY OBSTACLES, WE CAN GO THROUGH THIS PHASE TOGETHER. NO MATTER HOW FUCKING HARD IT IS! WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING VOW ?! WHERE IS YOUR FUCKING PROMISE ?! SO YOU'RE FUCKING DECEIVING ME NOW ?! FUCK EVERYTHING, JUST FUCK IT! GODDAMN IT! LET NATURE TAKE IT'S COURSE. NOTHING IS GONNA FUCKING AFFECT ME, I'LL JUST FUCKING PUT EVERYTHING ASIDE & GET MY MIND FOCUS ON MY FUCKING N LEVELS! I ACCEPT THE CHALLENGE YOU REQUESTED FOR! I FUCKING WILL! GET IT ?! FUCK! FUCK MY LIFE, JUST FUCK IT! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!

2010-07-10T23:20:00.007+08:00

Beauty is not an appearance, it's the state of mind and being.

This is what you said to me: Since this is what you think then I will fulfill what your friends told you. But just remember one thing. I will be back for you no matter what you think. Even you don't love me. Even you hate me. Even you have a new guy. I will fight till the end. No matter what the result may be. Just wait and see. Could I trust you ? Easier said than done. How can I entrust you ? You didn't wanna hear my voice, so I guess you're the one whose beating about the bush ? Have I ever think for you ? You said you have no friends, all of them betrayed you just by having thoughts on me. And didn't told you so. My friends are downhearted by seeing the way you treated me. Crying endlessly. You're the only man whom I gave my everything. It takes two hands to clap, it requires work & compromises to maintain a good relationship. Kenneth, let me tell you this. Let them have thoughts about me. I don't care. I don't have feelings for them. To be a little exaggerating, I'm attractive, maintained a well-figured body. Those guys out there are just lusting for desire of sex. I've met guys which are much more far better than you, they cared endlessly. Who you are, it's still you. Who are they, it's their business. I can't open up my love to anyone else, but you. Guess you're oblivious of it. You said you would fight for me, & now you contradict the fact that you want to let nature takes it's course. So who are you trying to kid with ? Perhaps, I'm happy with my life now. We'll see how the situation goes. All those horrible, hurtful memories came back. I tried to convince myself that I was able to keep them in check, literally, I couldn't. Those memories & emotions haunted me, condemned me. In my sleeps, all throughout the day and even when I was stoned out of my mind. I was constantly having to force them away. I was unfit to give advices to those who were dejected, cause I myself could not as well. I wanted something that would take this horrid feelings away. I wanted somewhere to go where I didn't have to think about it, or think about anything. The hallucinations of you and my reckless state of mind, combined with and oncoming paranoia, left me paralysed. That day, that instant, I repeatedly kept on looking at my phone. Hoping you would give an foresee answer, an reply. But to my dismal, you contradicted. I miss you.

*Constantly, 11:11, this time keeps on appearing on my phone . God, are you willing to give me an answer ? Would you mind, stop hinting me & stop playing with me with numbers. Could you ?

2010-07-08T21:19:00.001+08:00

SINGLE & UNAVAILABLE!

Seriously, don't bother looking up for me.

2010-07-08T18:28:00.001+08:00

This is an email that was circulated on the web that I find it very interesting. Regardless of the truth of the story, it hold a very meaningful message for all. Read through it and see if it touches your heart…

The girl in the picture is Katie Kirkpatrick, she is 21. Next to her, her fiancé, Nick, 23. The picture was taken shortly before their wedding ceremony, held on January 11, 2005 in the US.

Katie has terminal cancer and spends hours a day receiving medication. In the picture, Nick is waiting for her on one of the many sessions of chemo to end.

In spite of all the pain, organ failures, and morphine shots, Katie is going along with her wedding and took care of every detail. The dress had to be adjusted a few times due to her constant weight loss.

An unusual accessory at the party was the oxygen tube that Katie used throughout the ceremony and reception as well. The other couple in the picture are Nick’s parents. Excited to see her son marrying his high school sweetheart.

Katie, in her wheelchair with the oxygen tube , listening to a song from her husband and friends.

At the reception, Katie had to take a few rests. The pain restricts her to stand up for long periods.

Katie died five days after her wedding day. Watching a women so ill and weak getting married and with a smile on her face makes us think…..

Happiness is reachable, no matter how long it lasts. We should stop making our lives complicated.

A little love for thought…

Life is short
Break the rules
Forgive quickly
Kiss passionately, Love truly
Laugh constantly
And never stop smiling
No matter how strange life is
Life is not always the party we expected to be
But as long as we are here, we should smile and be grateful.

2010-07-07T21:15:00.003+08:00

I was the one whose fighting this endless brutal battles despite any setbacks. But do you even give a damn about it ? I doubt so. It's a permanent damage, I was totally crushed. I enforced myself to get over you, I enforced myself to make you into my faded memories. Unexplainable compulsion is driving me berserk anytime. I'll do it, & I'll prove it to you I'm all conditioned perfectly well. You're just my..

Illusions.

2010-07-06T22:04:00.004+08:00

Obstacles, just build a bridge & get over it.

I pondered the fact that you're no longer mine. In what took only a fragment of moment, indeed, I was trembling in fear, it just strike me off with a huge blow. Extremely slim chances of catching fresh whiffs. I could not think what is exactly on my mind. But, looking back, someone new changed me drastically, with a unique point of view in life as well as love. I'm grateful to him, perhaps, as well as I would put my love on him. But still, you will stand a place in my heart. We deny that we're fatigue, we deny that we're petrified. And most importantly, we deny that we're denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, and it works. We lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognise the truth right in front of our faces. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Nobody is interested in the truth. All they care about is what they want to believe. You annihilate every single portrait of love in my mind. One day, One day, you'll miss me like how I've missed you. One day, you'll cry like how I cried for you. Perhaps that one fine day, you'll love me but I'll love you back ? Remember your vows to me :]

I'm smiling :D All good things will come to those who wait patiently.

If you're lost, you can look and you will find me.

2010-07-03T18:48:00.004+08:00

Since you've been gone.. Every morning I wake up looking myself in the mirror with a pair of puffy eyes. I look into the mirror hoping to find my smile. But it was nowhere to be found. When I try to think just where it might be, I can't help but wonder. If maybe you know where I left my smile, 'cause the last time I saw it, I was with you.'

It has been months and months, I was able to control the desires and the feelings of failure, once I understood what caused those feelings. It had been nothing more than a lack of understanding, and a lack of desire to understand. Remember I vowed to myself I'm not gonna cry anymore for any reasons ? I'm sorry. I broke it. I just don't know how to get on with my life without you. I broke down, you've not faded into memories. I believe, it was all in my reality. I was adamant about being optimistic that you would be back one day, still. I am being stuck at where I am now, not able to move on. I knew that over time I had to force myself to erase the pain. I was now living on what I was being told, and had the luxury of not knowing if what I'm doing was right or not. Inside, I was crushed. Where were you when everything was crashing down upon me ? Where were you when I needed you ? Where were you when I was upset crying like a newborn baby, choking yourself & felt breathless ? Where were you when I've gotten myself wounded ? Just where were you ? I had struggled with the anguish all my life & facing it. It just ate at me that you was able to get yourself off the hook so easily and walk away from it all, while I spent every waking seconds trying to understand. Overwhelmed with a sense of loss, I lay there and cried. I was out of control again, I was afraid of myself. And I had no idea that I could go as far as I did. Looking back, I cant believe I was stupid enough to go back to it. I was out of my mind. My health was on a rapid downhill slide, often, I can't breathe. I had a reputation for causing severe and permanent damage to myself and everyone around me. I was busted. I was vague about what I really want in life. Those devilish pain falling down on me, I made up my mind, taking my windbreaker, I ran out of house.. Ran out in the rain, those beautiful gentle raindrops fall to wash away my pain. I was trying to understand everything positively once again, I did it. I ran & ran, till I was out of breath. Finally, I smiled in the rain. It was perfect..

2010-06-30T18:57:00.004+08:00

Officially missing you.

Awkwardness filled the atmosphere. Cracking our brains to come up with a topic to talk so that we can try to fit into the spaces of time given for us, it was a rather awesome opportunity for us. I hated this gruesome feeling, faking a smile to let you know that I'm happy, & I'm all right. But deep down, my tears are trying to burst out. But I manage to bury them alive, safe & sound. The last, was a pat on my head that makes me like a princess out of no where. Spoken out loud with your tender words, "Take good care of yourself." Capturing the back view of yours, turning your back on me. Because once you're gone, neither do I know when will we be seeing each other again. Heaven knows I'm trying, but it gets awfully hard when your heart is this broken. It seems a lifetime passed, these memories that linger. Soon as I think they have gone, but I was certainly wrong.. it was overpowering the feelings. All along I'd wanted to rebuild whatever was salvageable and take another shot at making something of our relationship, but I knew we both walked away is for our own good. As I walked, I pondered the fact that you were gone. It's hard to believe I'm lonely once again. Apprehensively, I was in despair. My hopes that a new setting might change the outlook of us, seems like it faded just as fast as it could. The journey in the car seems a long distance. In my privacy and my solitude, amongst the fields that stretched for miles, I began to cry. With a toil of respite, I cried. I cried for the fear of not knowing what am I gonna do the next move. I don't belong to you any longer, everything. I had vowed to myself never to let anyone see me cry for any reason, ever again. I'm still doubting if you still love me, till now. Anyway, I'm strong, I'm gonna smile to make you think that I'm happy. I'm gonna laugh, so you don't see me cry. I'm going to let you go in style even if it kills me. I'm going to smile. I will. Moving on is simple, it's what you leave behind that makes it difficult.

2010-06-28T15:55:00.005+08:00

The future ain't what it used to be.

Hello babies! It's the reopening of school today, what astonish me was.. everyone was talking about world cup. Today's match at 10pm will be Brazil VS Chile. Majority bet Brazil, minority bet Chile. Well, I'm taking Chile. 2:30am, Spain VS Portugal. Neither am I taking Spain nor Portugal, presume it will be a draw but a prediction for me, it'll be Portugal. Jeers! Felt rather lethargic. My chest, knees & stomach is in agony. I don't know why either, suffocated & I can't breathe, till now. Is my time up ? I'm wondering. Well, school is alright today. Here comes our new maths teacher, he sounds so aunty ? Keeps on nagging. It's getting on my nerves, a pain in the neck. Therefore, just told him off. Cause he said it's a few months to our N' level then why isn't he starting to teach & at the front desk speaks like a pepper mill! God. Whatever. After school, send my wife off to her brother. Back home :]

Here are some pictures of me, got my hair temporary curled. Enjoy!

The self-destruction, the lies, the disconnection from reality. Like so much else in my life, it was emotionally crushing to learn that, we're beating about the bush. But I blindly turned away. I simply faded out. The conflict between believing what I was now being taught about life to be the truth, I knew to be all too real. And yet I couldn't. I wasn't about to let it all end as simply as that. I couldn't simply move on, and allow the months and months of tears and anguish to have been for nothing. This time my life was really spinning out of control. It was so overpowering that I was literally facing breakdown. I just couldn't discern who I was supposed to be at any given time, or what I was supposed to be doing. As I progressed deeper and deeper into my feelings and emotions, I was also going further and further with the self-destruction. I was proclaiming myself as a "junky loser". My previous thoughts and fears of the bottom falling out of my life eventually came to pass. It was all meaningless.. I'm at my wit's end, but somehow, it's you, it's you the one I've been missing so much over half a year. I miss you.

2010-06-24T21:03:00.004+08:00

BREAK - DOWN

It was me, I was the filthy human creature to make things adding salt to the wound. I did not blame anyone else for this affliction position. I condemned myself for everything, I'll take the full burden for anyone gets wounded. Up the creek without a peddle, but it just wouldn't work out. Jinx, I am a jinx! I will always be, souls that ended up with me have no good ending but a tearing ending. Love, I was the cause of everything, but I was oblivious of the magnitude of it, the anger within you right now. In my bed, in a state of pure fear were just some of the memories I now tried to keep in check to reserve for those tear-stained pages. When I reread them and really thought about it, I had to force myself to keep control over my emotions. I knew that the more I thought about it, the more I lost my control. It was a battle I could never win. Every time I tired to push those memories out of my mind and into the place in my heart that was now overflowing, I was failing to keep the emotions from surfacing. All those horrible, hurtful memories came back pushing it towards me, I tried to convince myself that I was able to keep them in check, but I never actually could. They were haunting me down, I was stoned out of my mind. I was constantly forcing them away. Sometimes my thoughts came faster than my pen could keep up with. The occasional smile that leaked out my face was genuine, frightening but genuine. I can see you did your utmost best to keep this relationship maintained well enough, but it was me to annihilate everything. I wouldn't seek for your forgiveness, if letting you go & letting me go was the right choice for you.. I will not hesitate, find your true happiness. But, please recognise that I loved you whole heartedly push the envelope of it's love. Either that one fine day, I was with someone.. it will definitely not be the way I loved you or I'll await for you to come back. I still love you, I really do. You may take this as a balderdash, fucking bullshit, go ahead. I had to say what I've already said. I apologise for my unmoralised, unruly, abhorrent behaviour. I know it disgust you. I'm sorry..

2010-06-23T00:19:00.002+08:00

I used to like a faded photography, our moment's in the past.

I miss you missing me, calling me on the phone.

Asking me how I'm doing, asking if I'm alone.

Guess you won't be asking about me, I won't be hearing what you've been up to.

Like I used to had our time, our time has passed.

When someone calls me up at night,

I hold my breath, I close my eyes.

I wait and hope and pray it will be you.

2010-06-22T20:05:00.014+08:00

Dear babies,

Once again. I apologise for not updating. I've been really fatigue, due to FIFA WORLD CUP! HAHAHA. I really enjoyed how Portugal annihilate North Korea 7-0. I guess everyone would be dismal, especially Asians. Well, shall proceed to my development from the past few days :]

19th June 2010

Jolene invited me to her house for steamboat, celebrated her advanced birthday. It was fruitful, but too many unknowns, I felt rather awkward & absurd there. Before that, someone turn his back on. I was being left alone, cried like some spoiled brat. He left me red rag to a bull, therefore, asked Zhirong brother accompany me. & someone chose god instead of his own sister whose all feeling dejected. Saying is one thing, doing is another. I presumed this might be the answer, but his oblivious about it. It wouldn't affect me at all, hence, Zhirong & me caught up with a movie "A-team" at Plaza Singapura, rather a hilarious & more to an action pack. Then trained down to Bedok for Baby Chu's birthday! I like her mother, a very balmy mother.

20th June 2010

HAPPY FATHERS' DAY!

Yeap. It's fathers' day! Did you guys had a fruitful celebration ? Well, I did. My dad is the worlds' most handsome & the coolest guy ever! His the bread-winner of this family, his not getting any younger. His old, but so ? His young at heart :] Even though his old, he'd still strive hard & work hard for this family as well as my education. Daddy never fails to direct me from wrong to right. His always there to pick me up when I fall. Though his boisterous, but his really a good father after all. Noon time, elder sis brought us to Toa Payoh area for Dim Sum! Sea of people, lucky she booked earlier. Sumptuous lunch! :D I love you daddy!

21st June 2010

Went to Serangoon window- shopping. Then trained down to Bishan library. Something really unexpected cropped up. I was accused, but I told myself. Everything is gonna be all right, everything is gonna be fine & okay. I'm optimistic, cause I know one day he'll be back for me. Sighs.

22nd June 2010

Did nothing much, but all I know I've been excising really vigorously. Tralala~ Maintaining my weight & body, I never said it'll be easy :] BUT I HATE EYEBAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ): GONNA GET RID OF IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

I painted the blackest picture of me possible. The whys of our situation. What is really proceeding ? Before long I began to cry.. I felt so out of place, so desperate and misunderstood. I was lost inside. I had no direction and no idea how to get it. My mind was totally in disaster, describe it as a whirlpool that can make you fall anytime. Indeed, unsteady on my feet, I stumbled as I tried to stand up holding on by the edge of the bedside, but, I fell. Different souls surrounded me, their lives were so different, and what I had been through would be so foreign to them. They simply wouldn't know how to help, even if they could. After all, I was living in my life, my own world, and I didn't know what to do. How could I expect that anyone else would ? Real love is a very demanding, a selfish creature to understand. I just didn't know what it was. I managed to bury my emotions and my fears even deeper than I could ever figment it. My heart was filled with months of agony, enraged, cramped misery. There simply wasn't room for anymore hurt. What hurt me the most was the feeling of.. mistrust, misunderstanding, accusatory. I guess we both have to procrastinate to the interval of a period of time, my love awaits for you. I know we'll have a promising future. You will, you will summon me back. Invariability, because you still love me, and I still love you.

2010-06-17T01:10:00.005+08:00

Happy 2years 5months,

My love, it's the 17th. Happy 2years 5months, I still love you that much. You authorised me to learn & experience many great things in life. I've learn to buried all nostalgia past behind me, all thanks to you & that benefited me :] How can I ever thank you for that ? Your presence in my life brings wonderful smiles and loving thoughts within my heart. You're the only one who can give me the real happiness. Today & always, beyond tomorrow, I need you beside me, always as my man, lover & soul mates. I love you ♥

This was the last picture & the nicest picture I've taken with you. I miss those times with you. Sarang hey. Always & for eternity, you'll always be my man.

2010-06-17T00:32:00.011+08:00

15th June - Daddy & I made durian desert! :D

I love my daddy! :D I'm daddy's girl ♥ I used to hate daddy. But, his my dad ever all. He worked really hard for this family. I love you daddy :]

The mess! :D HAHA. Cause mommy went to have her hair cut. & this is the mess that me & daddy brought upon. Whee.

Sumptuous enough to let your saliva drool ? :D It's really delicious.

11th June - 13th June

Kids playing football near the lake! :]

Father & Son! :]

My cousin brought me to the lake & jog. The scenery was really beautiful! :D

h
MY LAMBORGHINI MAN! :D WHOOT.

Hello baby!

Mommy loves the Sandy alot! :]

Yea man~ This is my cute little baby girl niece Sandy! But mischievous !

Another wrong shot! ):

Wrong shot! ):

I'M FUCKING GONE INSANE ABOUT WORLD CUP & SOCCER'S! LIKE FUCK YEA MAN!

Dear babies,

Sorry for not updating for such a long period of time. So, I shall update now okay ? :]

14th June 2010

Came back from Malaysia. Unpack stuffs :] Went out for dinner with mommy & daddy! Heh.
Met my niece in Malacca. She's so adorable with those big eyes & chubby cheeks ! HAHA. But she's really rough & zippy! She keeps on pulling my hair & she loves to fight. Bad & good times in Malaysia too lah.

15th June 2010

Daddy & I knock off really well! :] Merriment fills the house with warmness! :D Daddy & I even made durian desert! I love daddy really alot.

16th June 2010

DADDY WENT BANGKOK! ): I DON'T FEEL HAPPY, I DON'T FEEL RELIEVE AT ALL. I MISS DADDY ALOT! D: SIGHS. I WANT DADDY TO COME BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADDY, 我很想你！Daddy asked me if I wanted anything from Bangkok, but I told him nothing at all. Cause I want daddy to come back safe & sound. I miss those times making desert & joking around with daddy, but time let it fly pass that fast. Sighs. Minyi came over to my house, lepak. Then decided to go Seiyu at Bugis there after which headed to Bugis street, but nothing much over there. Minyi complained leg pain cause she hates to walk. HAHA! Decided to go Suntec, Minyi doesn't want too. But she pampers me really alot. Yay man! :D HAHA. Our legs are really aching man. Anyway, gotten myself a few dresses. Headed back to my house. Then went over to Aljunied Cresent MacDonalds' to watch FIFA WORLD CUP! Whoot! :D Which ever teams I've chosen, all won! HAHAHA. By the way, Zhirong & Raymond came down to Mac's slacked there. Goddamn it! I only watch it like 66mins 43seconds then mommy called me to go home. Sua lah! My brother was like so sweet, he flag a cab for me. HAHA! Some hilarious part comes with his gay voice,"Eh~ Nabei cheebye!" Cause the cab never turn, it went straight ahead. LOL! I miss my brother so much lorrrrr, can't wait to see him next Monday! :D Yay! He has he agony too, so no matter what, I'll stand by him :] I'll not let anyone harm him. Home sweet home, ate durians again. CONFIRM GAIN WEIGHT LAHHHHHHHH! ): Whatever. So now, I'm heading for my sheets now! :D

2010-06-13T23:59:00.005+08:00

Dear babies,

Hi! Did you guys miss me ? Sorry for not updating. I'm currently in M'sia, going back on Monday morning which is tmrw. Yayness :] I had a sleepless night yesterday, cause I was sleeping in my aunt's house living room while mom & dad slept in the air-con room which I can't sleep. Therefore, decided to head to the living room instead to sleep. Goddamn it! Yea, as you guys know it's world cup. I was about to fell asleep PEACEFULLY, my aunt shouted, "ROONEY!!!!!! GO ROONEY!!!! GGGOOOOOO!!!! AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! GGGGOOOOOALLLLL!!!!! WWWWHHHHHOOOOOO!!!!" *CLAPS! =.=' Fell asleep, awake again, fell asleep, awake again! Full of crap, got fed up, woke up awhile. I can feel I've got eye bags okay! Next day, which is Sunday, went for a morning jog. Then accompanied mom & dad shopping. Didn't buy any stuffs, just went for eyebrow trimming. In the evening, went jogging again with my cousin. Frankly speaking, I'm all drained out of energy. I'm totally exhausted, totally fatigue. Counted, I had a fruitful day! :D Alright, I'm currently TRYING my very best to stay awake from 2:30am - 4:30am, Germany VS Australia, world cup lah! What else ? HAHA! Like fook yea, my cousin is always showing off. LIKE THE SAME! NEVER CHANGE. But thanks to him, I can use the his laptop to surf the net! :] Thanks dude.

Btw, I've got photos to be upload but quite a few. I'll upload it very soon :] Nights babies, I miss you guys! :D

Those nostalgia past where I was away from Singapore.
I used to cry much, because I miss you.
Now.. I still do.

2010-06-11T18:39:00.013+08:00

Act cool huh brother! :D

GONG ALREADY! :D HAHAHA.

BROTHER! DON'T PEE LEIS! :D

I love my brothers alot! :]

HAHAHA!

LOL! BROTHERRRRR! :D HAHAHA.

YAY MAN! WAS JUMPING! :D

BRO, WHAT YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ?! :D

Dear babies,

Today I had fun. Met Zhirong & Ian at Aljunied, slacked there. Heart to heart talk. & we did some random things. Camwhore! :D Yay man. I miss those 2, it's been a long time since I've met them. Hmms, they have plans in mind, so they headed to Clementi while me headed down to suntec cause me & Benjamin wanted to go Suntec Convectional Centre to see all those hard & software :] & his late! While waiting, window-shopping alone. Finally! He arrived, had lunch together at Kopitiam. Damn it! My foot has really terrible blisters that I couldn't walk anymore further ): So decided to buy a pair of slippers for myself that cost me $18.90! Like it very much. Then head down to see those software, got a camera in mind already! :D Yayness. But after N's, I'm gonna work & pamper myself with a camera! :D Saw shuwei working there too, haha! She sounded so funny lor. Persuade me to buy a laptop, neither do I have that much of cash nor do I have a nets for myself :D Sorry dude. 4+ met Cheehao, Benjamin left. Heart to heart talk. Blahs. AGAIN! Walked ard looking at those computers, cause Cheehao's mom wants to get herself a Computer. Yeap, Cheehao had lunch. Walked ard again, my legs are hurting me! I swear. Then trained down back, here I am. Home sweet home! :D Hope you guys enjoy those pictures. Cheers! :D

We used to shop there, walk there, sit there.
I'm bringing upon those memories, back.
I miss you, I really do.
When ? When can I see you again ?
... ):

2010-06-10T20:06:00.002+08:00

I sat down at the basketball court, where you used to play basketball. I miss those old times with you. Just thinking about the times we been through just makes me wanna cry. I miss you.

2010-06-08T14:43:00.003+08:00

HOLIDAY ARE JUST A RUIN!

Dear babies,

Decided to post early. God! Holiday are such a ruin man. I rather go to school then being all stuck up at home facing the concrete walls. Damn! Yea, revising my Physics take a short break then get my head stuck back onto my books. I've got plans for the next 2days already. Stay tune babies :D

2010-06-07T16:22:00.011+08:00

Dear babies,

Sorry for posting such emotional posts these few days. Well, I miss Mr. Kenneth Yeo, that little bubbly boy. Knowing that his all up to fine, I'm rest assured. He blames himself for all my wrong doings, even though his blaming himself. But I'm not, because I can choose not to walk this path, but.. I'm still blaming myself for it. I'm gonna change for the better, & back to my lively old style! Yay :D
HAHA. I don't if I should say I'm torturing myself, I've been having severe headaches for consecutive 2days. I don't know why too. & just yesterday, I had a slight fever. Saying about fever, it's been quite a long time since I've got it. Practically, such a strong girl, how pathetic am I to catch a fever. But I'm recovered. Look at the caring girl on the right, my baby, Jolene Chu! She made honey for me. Oh my god right ? How thoughtful she is. Thank you baby! :D HAHA. Skipped 3hours of POA, cause if I were there in the class, it's gonna ruin my whole day, I don't even understand a single topic what the teacher is talking. Mommy said she's gonna get me a POA tuition teacher towards the starting of N levels. Thanks mommy! :D So, lepak with Hermun & guys. Played catching & football together ! I had a fruitful day, a distraction from any unhappiness. Thanks guys! :D Holidays, I'm gonna speedily study & study & study! Yayness.

Before long the sounds of the day were pressing in on me, I think about you all day long. And when I'm not near you, all I think about is being nearing you. And when I'm near you.. I'm feeling like in a peace with the whole world. I'm all lived up not asking god about anything else cause as long as I have you in my life. Everything that I wanted and all I really wanna do.. is to spend the rest of my life is me in you. When I'd finally decided that it was more then worth it, I felt ease with myself. No one else could change it or take it away from me. Every ounce of energy you gave me, those words, the unjustified, unexplainable love: care & concern, the loyalty, the security were not meant to be erase from my heart, my soul. You put every spark of life inside me to give me the courage to move on. I love you..

2010-06-04T20:42:00.007+08:00

It's funny how you stand up strong, & you're tearing apart once again. I felt today's journey on the bus was exceeding to the fastest speed. As it came nearer, my mind went blank. A sheer sense of emptiness was overpowering it's limit, I had to bear the tears in my heart. I prayed, it was a sincere & honest prayer as I had ever offered. Praying that he would not turn up. As the last words softly left my lips, I waited anxiously for a response. I felt no warmth, but petrified. The steps that I took, just left some painful memories. I reached my destination, mom was attending the stall. My prayers was answered.. Sat down & had a little conversation with her. I know I should not cry. But I'm sorry, I let it rolled. A feeling came over me that I can only describe as calmness, I was comfortable talking to mom. To be able to know that you're actually all right, I could finally rest my mind, heart & soul an interval of respite. I miss mom, she was dear to me. I miss her, indeed. So, as it close to twilight. Mom, I'll see you in few months time. Love, I miss you. Take good care, I'll wait for you no matter how long it takes, even though I feel like a fool to wait for you..

2010-06-03T19:52:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling you, so close yet so far. You're the key to my heart.

I miss you, every single moment of my life.

I may be bothersome to you, an irritant person. Therefore, I didn't want to give you a text or a call. If so, you happened to pass by my blog, this post.. I want to say,

My love, I'm sorry. I misunderstood you.

2010-06-03T19:20:00.006+08:00

Mom's being so indirectly sarcastic towards me yesterday. Nanny came up & was totally dumbfounded the moment she saw me. Sighs. She told Nanny, she doesn't want me anymore. If my nanny is willing to take care of me, my mom authorise my Nanny to take me away. How does it feels like ? I know mom's being fed up with me, but what have I done ? I've already tried my utmost best to be a filial daughter, & I'm like being shoot indirectly. Whatever. I became convinced that I had lost my mind and was truly sick. That pure wrath, that building anger. I was terrified of the volcano nearing eruption from deep inside me. I knew that if I ever allowed that volcano to erupt, if I ever let it go, it would be bad.. real bad. I had to bear the brunt of those awkward situations that is evolving around me. Honestly speaking, I misunderstood love. Sighs. I had witness, I have proof. I can't enforce myself to trust a person time & again when they're constantly breaking your trust with their abhorrent behaviour, in an odd and suspicious actions. But it was all the assumption that I'm intaking & those negative mindset but ironically, everything turns out not the way I've assumed. Everything was just a misunderstanding. If I would want back that moment of time, chances are extremely slim. Sometimes.. I wonder if I should let fate decide everything or perhaps I should just adjusted it on my own ? I'm clamp down with everything I have in my head..

I'm tired, I swear I am.

2010-06-03T19:20:00.003+08:00

Mom's being so indirectly sarcastic towards me yesterday. Nanny came up & was totally dumbfounded the moment she saw me. Sighs. She told Nanny, she doesn't want me anymore. If my nanny is willing to take care of me, my mom authorise my Nanny. How does it feels like ? I know mom's being fed up with me, but what have I done ? I've already tried my utmost best to be a filial daughter, & I'm like being shoot indirectly. Whatever. I became convinced that I had lost my mind and was truly sick. That pure wrath, that building anger. I was terrified of the volcano nearing eruption from deep inside me. I knew that if I ever allowed that volcano to erupt, if I ever let it go, it would be bad.. real bad. Honestly speaking, I misunderstood love. Sighs. I had witness, I have proof. I can't enforce myself to trust a person time & again when they're constantly breaking your trust with their abhorrent behaviour, in an odd and suspicious actions. But it was all the assumption that I'm intaking & those negative mindset but ironically, everything turns out not the way I've assumed. Everything was just a misunderstanding. If I would want back that moment of time, chances are extremely slim. Sometimes.. I wonder if I should let fate decide everything or perhaps I should just adjusted it on my own ? I'm clamp down with everything I have in my head..

I'm tired, I swear I am.

2010-06-02T19:28:00.007+08:00

Everything is tearing me up right now. I'm so affected, my health, my parents, that guy. What is all this shit ? I'm feeling so comfortable with the idea of ending my life. I'm so fatigue every single day. Why ? What have I done to end up in this state ? Why can't I have just a simple thought as having the actions of happiness. What's happening ? Looking everyone catching their breath easily, it's tough for me catching one single whiffs just being solitude, alone. Just sitting, penny thoughts I decided to choose this path. I could not regret, it's not in my dictionary. My overpowering desire to destroy myself completely.. A part of me wanted some sort of divine intervention yet another part of me wanted confirmation that my decision to take my life was the right one. Totally embrace the darkness completely. And, I was certainly losing the little stability I had. I just want to spend some time living in solitude, just give me a fresh breather I need as I pleas for help. Being optimistic, I know good things will come back to me eventually.. I hope ?

Thanks boy.

Thanks for building me up & tearing me apart..

In the end.

2010-05-31T03:07:00.003+08:00

Dear babies,

HAHA. Look at the time right now ? Isn't it early for me to wake up in the wee hours of the morning ? :] Narh. I have yet to take my comfy sleeps due to my iTunes stuffs. I've got to re-download it back like 400 songs ? Come on, if I never delete those old songs, I've got 800 + songs to re-download. Alrights, later gonna meet those babies. & they're having their O level chinese. I wish you best of luck k babies ? :] Jiayou! You guys can do it, overcome the fear within you! Whee. Basically, I'm still having some troubles with my iTunes. I guess I won't be sleeping after all. Right, I'm torturing myself. Nevermind ! :D Blah. Nights babies!

2010-05-29T16:40:00.009+08:00

Took pictures in the bus :D

Dear babies,

A day out with my brother Zhirong. Met him at Marine Parade library, gotten some books & I've got an outstanding fine. What the hell! Neither do I have cash in my ez-link nor do I have Nets. But I was lucky, Zhirong helped me got it paid. Suppose, Kimsia was coming to find us but he couldn't make it. Went to Parkway for shopping, at first we didn't know where to eat. Final decision, went to basement foodcourt, Whoo!~ Pampered again, Zhirong treat me eat pepper lunch. Sumptuous I swear! :D Heh heh! Thanks Zhirong bro :D Lepak, talked about some privacy stuffs. Then Ian said he wanted to come over to look for us. Manage to spend a little time together :] Thanks guys for keeping me accompanied today :D I love you guys ♥

The sheer sense of emptiness and wonderment was overpowering.

I struggled to find words that described how I felt.

I had outgrown mu stuttering. Instead words getting tangled in my throat,

I found it hard to find words that expressed the agony, the infuriation.

It's concrete walls held all the emotions, fears & tears.

I wanted the agony within me to evaporate and mostly,

I wanted the ghosts of my past to leave me alone.

You wanted me leave you alone, I will..

I will eventually made you fade into my memories.

I'm fatigue .. ):

2010-05-25T21:59:00.007+08:00

I HAVE ALL THESE AWESOME BUNCH OF FRIENDS :D

They pampered me like no other friends would.
They treated my like a precious gem, like a small baby sister.
They were always there for me without fail.
They were always putting up wide smiles on my face.
They encourage me no matter what I do.
They accepted my personalities no matter how obnoxious, how fercious I am & how abhorrent I can be.
They put up with my attitude, my agony, my frustration,
they just kept in silence.
They would definitely not give me a unruly attitude or discourage scolding,
not because I'm fercious, because they care for my feelings.
They always go in my way, NEVER in their way.
When they are feeling dejected, they'd still make my day bright & shine.

Guys, are you able to get these kinda friends ? Are you ? HAHA.
I swear I love them so much, I'm always rushing for time even though it's early in the yawn of the morning just to see them.
When I'm all alone at home, I would miss them & think of them ( Of cause, Mr. Hubby Yeo too! )
Sighs. I'm petrified of the day when I have to lose you these bunch of precious gems & getting all drifted apart because we have our own life. I swear I won't forget you guys, will guys forget about me ? Can someone just tell me what I should do ? ... ):

2010-05-24T20:58:00.002+08:00

My love, I don't know why I'm missing you right now. Something is affecting me, but I'm not sure about this. I wish to give you either a call or a text but.. I feel rather a bothersome to you & I know you're busy at this point of time but if you were with me when I need you now, I know you could guide me along. Sighs. I'm really very famished right now, cause I only had 1meal, I'm drain out of energy right now but I'm just not in a right state of mind to fill something into my stomach. Anyway, I'm feeling fatigue, shag & lethargic. Sleeping is only the best to keep me occupied. Good night, my love.

Now, I know the feeling of being abandoned.
Just when I needed you, you weren't by my side.
How I wished you were here & guide me along.
Your existence is important to me.
I miss you, I need you severely
... ):

2010-05-24T16:41:00.002+08:00

Dear babies,

Gawd! Life is TEDIOUS! I swear. Alrights, life is kinda weird & scary thing. You have the urge of finishing your exams & enjoy, am I right ? But when exams are over, you don't even know where to go. When you get back home, you rot, computer: Nothing else to do, check out facebook, blog & movies. When you wanna shop, you feel lazy & it's always the same old place. Lepak, totally no life lah! -.-' When teacher is in class, sleep in class & said it's boring. When a relieve teachers over your class, you feel bored all over & you want lessons. When the weather is warm to the excess, we said it's really hot lah! When the weather it's cold & raining, you dislike raining. What humans want ? HAHA. Life is weird isn't it ? :D & my son Kimsia is at Phuket, I doubt his even enjoying himself. Poor son. I hope you're alright there! :D Have fun k! Whee. Today, my good brotherrr, Ian Goh! Accompanied walked to eunos cresent, lepak awhile. Had heart-to-heart talks :] & one thing that I'm curious about is, why my family friends have been treating my like a precious gem! Now.. I got it! :D HAHA. Thank you guys! I love you guys lah! :D HAHA.

Hey, Mr. Hubby Yeo. I miss you!

2010-05-20T20:52:00.002+08:00

I'm a very joyous little girl.
Please don't interrupt my parents, my hubby, my friends & my life :D

Dear babies,

Sorry babies for not updating, due to my laze I don't wanna update. But now, just update okay. Whoo. I've been sleeping early these few days. & yet, I'm feeling so fatigue & lethargic. One meal a day now, lack of energy. Won't die lah! HAHA. I wanna thank my daddy & mommy, & my family friends, Trenna, Nigel, Zhirong, Kimsia & Ian for giving me the care & concern & they have been pampering me all along totally like a small sister. & I'm too spoilt now -.-' HAHA! After I had a separation with Mr. Hubby Yeo for a meantime, you guys have been giving in way to me. And my brother, Zhirong actually told Kimsia to take good care of me. My heart was like in my mouth, I'm so honoured to have you as my brother ): True friends, true brother. Thank you Zhirong! :D You guys didn't gave me such unruly attitude towards me, didn't give me a discourage scolding, you guys always go in my way but never your way. You guys never utter a word when I was in a really gloomy mood, when I scolded you guys whether be it misunderstanding or other precise reasons, you little silly ones just accepted it & kept quiet. Didn't dare to talk to me, because you guys know that once you started talking to me, I'll just erupt. Instead, try means & ways to make me laugh my head off! :D You bunch are so unlike other friends, I consider myself very VERY lucky to met you guys! Thank god :D Thank you very much! Those gratitude towards you guys, I can never thank in a million. I love you guys ♥
And Mr. Hubby Yeo, thanks for pampering me the same. Although we're on separation right now, we're communicating lesser & lesser, everything that is less. But, you still never fail to protect me & gave me such love before. Thank you Mr. Hubby Yeo! I love you. By the way, you spoilt your wife too much also. HAHA. But I love it! YAY ♥

I miss you love. Do you miss me as much as you do ?

2010-05-17T18:49:00.003+08:00

My love, Happy 2years 4months ♥

When I said I love you, I mean it. I vow in front of you & god..
Yes. Today is our 2years 4months together even though we're on separation right now. HAHA! Basically, due to Mr. Hubby Yeo's busy schedule we celebrated on the 15th May. Perhaps it's meaningless for you guys. But as long as you get to commemorate your anniversary, I'm sure you're contented, right ? :] HAHA.
Hey Mr. Hubby Yeo! :D Thanks for composing new memories every month for me. Though I may be selfish & did wrong doings towards you, forgive me. I hope you understand. I love you.

"Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench"
when there is plenty of room at both ends.

2010-05-15T21:59:00.008+08:00

"To live life to its fullest is to know how to really love someone even if it means having a heart broken or an unsuccessful love."

Dear babies,

I swear I had a blossom Saturday today :] Oh god. Know why ? Cause I went on a date with Mr. Hubby Yeo! :D Whee. HAHAHA. Subsequently, spent 2hours of my time at the market helping out mommy. She misses me alot & she cares for me too! Asking me whether I got eat anot ? Got intake my medication ? How am I ? Wah. See how great my future mother-in-law is :D Wuahaha. *Think so far ahead. Okay, whatever. Mr. Hubby Yeo said my dressing today was totally at horrid. So he planning to get me a shorts. Got his hair cut, I swear he looks so cute :D Yea, so trained down to city hall. Wanted to go cotton on to get my shorts, but ended up at Raffles place, Mr. Hubby Yeo was so lucky cause his favourite shop, TOPMAN! :D Got himself 2jeans, 1belt & a membership card :] Yea, so walked around. My love really pampers me alot, keep asking me what I wanna get. But I refused, cause when I see him forking out money just to get me what I want it really pains me. I just needed him, I'm contented with life. In the past, I used to be demanding. Now, I feel the agony when he gets me even something simple. But he got me 2shorts & slippers. Pretty nice, we had so much plans in mind but there wasn't enough sufficient time. I know it's killing him to get the BATA shoes, but don't have his colour & size ): Searching something nice to fill our stomach, don't know whats nice. But laksa caught our attention, simple & sumptuous but not enough side dishes & it's $4.50 by the way. Laughs. Went carrefour cause wanted to eat sushi & then Love got me ROYCE CHOCOLATE! MY FAVOURITE CHOCOLATE! :D THANK YOU! & chocolate ice-blend. I swear it's been decades since I've ever touch sweet stuffs okay. So sat outside & ate. So romantic lah~ Walked down to bugis, love wanted the shoes so much. But couldn't manage to find BATA shop ): Night is getting late already, bused back home. I can't bear to leave him, but to be positive, there'll always be another chance. Next month, it's our 2years 5months. I'm looking forward to it. I'll always love you, my love

Felt taking a bus ride home is rather short.
Can't explain how much thoughts ran through my mind..
In the past, why did things turn out to be so sullen ?
You trusted me, you were positive.
But, was I oversensitive ? Was I overprotective of you ?
Was I the one who caused this relationship to be disastrous ?
If I wasn't selfish, wouldn't things be better ?
I'm wondering & I'm wondering.
But there's advantage when we were separated,
cause I know & I know I've cultivated a lot because of you.
When I say I love you, I mean it. From the bottom of my heart,
I vow to you & god. I don't know why, I love you more then myself.
I'm willing to sacrifice everything just for one & only you.
I can't live my life without you.. My life is just a lifeline going ups & downs,
Once it turns just a horizontal line, I might meet you elsewhere.
So I've got to live my life for you. I love you, my love. I really do..

2010-05-14T15:06:00.003+08:00

Dear babies,

Feeling fatigue. Kinda laze to update in the night, so shall update it now. Met this little precious daughter of mine this morning ♥ Before that, waiting for Kimsia to finish his exams. So met up with Ian Goh :] Lepak awhile. Finish their exams, Kimsia, Trenna, Qingting & Rayner came out of school. Went kopitiam, something unpleasant crop up, Kimsia refused to speak. Got pissed off, then I came to know what he told Ian. Damn it! -.-' Whatever crap! Surprisingly, Hermun came up lepak with us awhile cause he was waiting for Kaisiang to finish his exams. Conversation crap down. Head back to kopitiam & have a bite. Afterwhich, went back home :D Whoo.

OHMYGOD! I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE MR. HUBBY YEO TOMORROW AT 12NOON! :D
WHEE! SO ELATED :DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HEH HEH! ♥

2010-05-12T19:05:00.003+08:00

Dear babies,

Went to Aljunied Cresent Mac's to study :] Waited for 3 douche bag to come, Nigel Ngiam, Ian Goh & Goh Kimsia. Slow lahhhhhhhh :D Laughs. Ian & Kimsia was trying to access the Internet, it was damn slow. Ian got pissed off, but Kimsia manage to have his friend's internet access. Those 2 ass didn't even study. Only me & Nigel. Damn lah ._. & it was far way kinda buzzy, but still, manage to study abit. Camwhore alone & pictures with douche bags. Heh heh! Natcha called me, said she wanted to come over my house to study. So left Mac's kinda early, the boys went home too! So studied at home with Natcha :D

2010-05-11T14:06:00.006+08:00

Dear babies,

Sorry for not updating these few days. I really got my head stuck down to my books, insufficient sleeps. 3-4hours per day now. & now.. My headache is killing ahmoiz! ): I swear I studied really hard, just for the sake of our relationship :] Haha. Studied really effing hard, the question in total mess freak! Sighs. I hope I can pass with flying colours, I hope my efforts ain't waste down to the drainszxsxzxzsxzs ): Babyy said I look really shag, my complexion is at total lost now. Fook! Whatever shit. Anyway, now it's the best time to experience & overcome all these books & stuffs, so during the N's it wouldn't be tormenting me, but it's killing ahmoiz now! Damn .. ): I need sleeps!!! Waiting for my hair to be dried now, so I can head back to my comfy sheets :D HAHA. Tmrw, studying with 2 DOUCHE-BAG Nigel Ngam & Ian Goh at aljunied cresent Mac's :] Perhaps along with Kimsia too ? Cause his going somewhere for precise reasons. I swear my mood is totally gloomy, my eyes are shutting down whenever possible. Gonna upload some pictures tmrw okay ? My blog is going dead without pictures. That is ssssssooooooo EVILLLLLLLLLLL! I'm starting to love this dreamy Trenna Koh lah :D HAHA. Alright bbies, shall stop here! Tmrw I promise I'll update okays ? Love you guyszxsxzxs who appreciate reading my blog, loyal babies.

Those who are mentally stress over exams, I assume this soft music will get you slack :] So far this is the best piano instrumental I can find.
ENJOY FOOLS :D

2 MORE PAPERS & WE'RE DONE FOR IT! GONNA SCREAM LIKE SOME LUNATIC FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELLA TO EXAMS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! \m/ LET'S ROCK 'n' ROLL BABAYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
YAYNESS. WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-05-08T22:57:00.005+08:00

Dear babies,

It's Mother's Day tmrw, what have you babies got for your mommy's ? :D HAHA. Your mom is the most beautiful & gorgeous woman on Earth. Even though, there maybe the world's most beautiful woman.. But it can never beat the beauty of your mom. In advance, I can't wait to tell you that...

Mommy, I love you ♥
Be happy & smile always.

I was all alone at home till evening, cause daddy & mommy went Johor for prayer & went shopping for groceries. As I might expected :] Called Mr. Hubby Yeo as I missed him so much :D it was indeed a fruity conversation. I love you lah! HAHA. Mom & dad brought back with loads of nonya kuei :D Yum yum. Waited for my sister to come, dinner with family. I was a little exhausted somehow, & gloomy because of my stupid period! What the fuck .. ): Pictures were not taken, sorry babies. Well, tmrw gonna study & study. Guess what ? PERHAPS..

I'M MEETING MR. HUBBY YEO TOMORROW! YAYNESS.
I SWEAR I CAN'T WAIT! ♥

Here's a touching story daddy told us in the car. It was creepy but rather touching. So he summarise everything:

A mother who was disfigured by one eye. She has a son, sends & fetch her son back & forth to & from school. Until one day, her son's friend get freak out & teased him about his mother. Her son screamed at her, "DON'T BOTHER SENDING ME TO SCHOOL. IT'S A DISGRACE FOR ME TO FACE MY FRIENDS!" So his mother stopped coming to school. Her son studied really hard so his friends wouldn't teased him & cleared his name. Her son succeeded, eventually he emigrate somewhere else. His mother knew where he was staying, he has a wife & children but did not bother inviting his mother along. But nevermind to her, she actually took the initiative to find her son. "Ding Dong!" She presses the door bell, her grandchildren was so petrified of her facial features, really really petrified. Instead of inviting his mother into his house, he shouted, "GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! I DON'T EVER WANNA SEE YOU AGAIN!" His mother didn't mind, she returned back to her hometown. Soon after, he received an invitation from his school that there was student gathering back to his hometown where he used to schooled, & where his friends used to teased him with his mother. He did returned back to his hometown, somehow, he decided to find his mother. He saw the house a very dilapidated building, he couldn't find his mother. So he asked his neighbour, "where is my mother ? The neighbour told him that his mother passed away, but his mother left him a letter. As soon as he received the letter, he opened the letter. It says, "Son, thank you very much for roaming round the world on my behalf. I just wanna tell you that, I was disfigured by an eye it's because when you were young, you met an accident & I give you one of my eye." He sat there crying helplessly.

A Mother’s Love

When a child is crying

A mother will dry those tears

When a child is in pain

A mother will feel the same

When a child is hungry

A mother will sacrifice her own meals

When a child is troubled

A mother will share the burden

When a child is sick

A mother ensures that the recovery is quick

When a child has no answers

A mother will find the solution

When a child falls in love

A mother will give her blessings

When a child has a family of her own

A mother knows that the family seed has grown

Isn't this story touching ? I'm having goosebumps right now.. Mom, you are great! :D

2010-05-07T19:12:00.002+08:00

Dear babies,

It's exam period. Kinda pissed off with the papers, when I studied really hard on that topic it turns out a disappointment. When I didn't study hard enough for the topic, it comes out. What the hell right ? Nevermind. I know I've tried my best already :] Therefore, I'll not give up cause this is what I promise Mr. Hubby Yeo :D Haha. Tmrw daddy & mommy is going Johor for prayer, I can be alone. YAY! Haha. Nothing much to post already. Night babies.

I miss you very much.
Where are you now ?
I'm looking forward on the 17th. I love you.

I finally know why mommy love this song very much until now.
It's kinda old, but the meaning stays :D It's my turn to love this song. HAHA.

2010-05-07T15:43:00.008+08:00

HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Aren't you childish using someone else's link & give me this kinda nonsensical comment ? Come on la, now what decade already still using this kinda childish tactic. If you're not contented about me, just come out & confront to me :] I don't have so much time for you & your fucking bullshit, but since you want seeking around for attention, then I'll shall wrap up some time for you. So if you here to confront your stupid stuffs, use your proper name. Your mother give you name for what ? Calling dogs ? :D Haha. You're jealous that I've a nice body is it ? Just because you're fucking fat & ugly ? Well, I assume. Uh-uh, don't play hide - and - seek! Cause mommy is angry & WISH TO KICK THAT ASS OF YOURS ! Heh heh!

* Woah! I curse & swear spammers are totally no life freaks. Whatever we write, whatever we post they also wanna care! Are they jealous about us or something, any part of our body & dressings ? What we write, is our business what! Did we say anything that offend until you ? No right ? If you have any unkind comments, just keep it to yourself! We ain't as free as you, we ain't as childish as you to find troubles. We have better things to do then attending to you! What do you guys like to seek attention from us ? Don't you realise when you're the one who cause trouble, & we're kind enough to attend to you, either you run, hide or apologise. What for ?! Lifeless freaks! Use your pig brains twice before you speak ._. God knows what you guys install in your brains, SHIT ?!

Spammers: If you're jealous that you don't have the body, PLEASE go for plastic surgery. If you're greeny that you don't have our clothes, PLEASE don't go barking & dirtying around our ears, you don't have the money.. YOU STEAL! But I wish you all the best. This are all the listed solutions that you spammers wanted. SO... GOOD LUCK LIFELESS FREAKS! :D

PUKI MA KAU! I ACCIDENTALLY GO DELETE 29MESSAGES FROM MY CBOX! FUCK! ._.

2010-05-01T23:26:00.008+08:00

FINALLY!!! I MET MY HUBBY!!! :D
I SWEAR I WAS ELATED. I SWEAR! :D
This sign ---> _lll_ MEANING, I SWEAR ! :D

Oh god! Met my love today for 3hours + & I swear I was contented even though it's just a short period of time. Catch up with one another, had dinner at Singapore Post Kopitiam. One advantage is if I live with Mr. Hubby Yeo, I'll definitely grow fat. HAHA. But at least he knows how to control my diet :] Whee! Had Aston Western, it was sumptuous + sushi's & drinks. Very costly almost $33! What the hell right ? Thank you my love. Headed to popular, my love asked me if there were any books if I wanted to read. Nope :D Hehe! Hubby bought me mint ice-cream too! Yayness. Then went to buy hubby's prepaid card & take a look at Singtel shop :D Hubby send me back home, I swear I can't bear to see him leave .. ): Sighs. But it was rather getting late. Depart with kisses on the lips, cheeks, nose & FOREHEAD! ♥
My face was totally horrid.. ): Ruin by some damn pimples on my face, totally damage my complexion. & TODAY WAS MY DAY TO SEE MY HUBBY! I SWEAR, PIMPLES ARE SUCH AN NONSENSICAL SHIT! ..):

My love, can you imagine how much I've missed you ?
Just by taking your hands & brush against my cheeks,
It clouded my eyes terribly. I miss you so much, so much.
I hate to see you leave.

Sighs, I can't wait to catch up a movie with you right now.
Just 15MORE DAYS! ARGH .. ):

AFTER

BEFORE
We changed alot, didn't we ? Ruoheng dear came to my house to study, she wake her senses up, FINALLY she really wants to study really hard. She really takes time wisely right now. I'm proud of her :] I've already heard what she has to said to me, it was touching. HAHA. You're relieve now, my dear :] Don't worry, no one wants to take good care of you, I will :D Haha. Be happy & strong my dear. Through all the ups & down, we're still together. Love you! :]

Overdued photos, with these pretty babes. Azura & Ee Eng! :] DON'T LOOK AT MY FACE. MY FACE IS TOTALLY RUIN BY THAT FUCKING PIMPLE ._. FUCK SHIT LOR. DAMN SHAG T-T!

2010-05-01T22:51:00.006+08:00

"Sometimes the cards we are dealt are not always fair."
However you must keep smiling moving on.
Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.

Baby, you must be strong okay ? Continue living your life where it use to be. I want to see the Cheery Jolene Chu Yue Ning way back those days without "her". Baby, I know it hurts as much. I can feel the agony within you, who doesn't feel it ? At least, think positive, you can carry on studying. I know you don't have the frame of mind to study because of "her". But, would you rather study hard & benefit for your future ? If you feel like going private, y'know it's gonna be very very expensive. Think in a way that your mommy & daddy is working so hard right now. Shouldn't you be studying like the way they do now, baby ? :] Be strong BabyChu ! I believe everyone loves you, everyone cares for you. LIKE OF CAUSE! INCLUDING YOUR BABY, ME :D Heh heh! So don't disappoint everyone. It pains to see me if you're really upset everyday, I swear. I love you baby so much. I'm always here for you 24/7, just whenever you need me.
I love you Chu Yue Ning Jolene ♥

Baby, I want you to hear this song. I know you may cry, cry as much as you want.
I want you to face it, whenever you hear this song, I want you to be strong!
Cause someday, when you hear this song again..
You'll start smiling away & thinking, "Way back me, why was I so foolish ?"
Trust me. So for once, listen to me. Hear this song :]

2010-05-01T10:10:00.004+08:00

TODAY IS THE DAY!
I'M GONNA MEET MY HUSBAND :D
YAYNESS.
WAH LAO!!! STILL NEED TO WAIT FOR 6-7MORE HOURS THEN CAN SEE YOU!
WAH LAO!!! ...):

I really miss him so much.
My head is going haywire right now.
My mind..
my heart is flooded with you & our memories.
AND LIKE HOW AM I GOING TO STUDY LATER ON ?!
But neverminds, I GET TO SEE YOU LATER ON!
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SWEAR I'M SSSSOOOOO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-29T21:19:00.006+08:00

FOO QINGTING! HAPPY 16th BIRTHDAY! :D

Like finally you're turning 16years old, can see NC 16 show liao huh!
HAHA. Stay happy okays ? I know you're infuriated by those nonsensical boys
whose always criticising you & making you feel demoralise .
Fear not my dear, I'm always by your side.
Good luck for your N level too ya! KAMBAHTEHYOH
Love you! ♥
Don't say me no good, NAH! Help you find your LEE TAEMIN image liao :D
HAHA.

Dear babies,

Ohmygod. Yesterday after school, had our prelims oral. I was like nervous to the core, I swear. But, everything's over now :D Whee. LIKE SHIT! Today had 4 test in one row, Chinese, Combine Science & Maths. What a relieve POA test was changed to Monday. Thank god! If not 5 in a row. Whew ): During this period of time, I should spend time less on computer & concentrate well on my revision. Even though it's Mid-Year, we ought to take it seriously like N's :D SO EVERYONE, BUCK UP! DON'T GIVE UP OKAY ? :D Heheh. & these few days, I'm getting fatigue all over ): even though I had sufficient of sleeps. Perhaps, I don't have much energy in my body. I need to eat, I MUST eat ): So suffering sia. Anyways, tmrw is our Mid-Year English exam paper. Siala ): I hope I can do well. I know I can :D Hehe.

COUNT DOWN 2MORE DAYS! :D

My love, how are you ?
I miss you very much
... ):
Just 2more days, I can't wait to see you.
Time fly faster leis ! HAHA.

你再让我见到你,
是我最特别的礼物.

2010-04-27T19:20:00.003+08:00

Dear babies,

Actually, today I was in a average mood la. School as per normal, assembly are full of craps. Keep repeating the same thing over the years._. PE today, did 19 inclined pull-ups. That is way below my expectation, because of that Georgina Loh la! Nabu. Sua la! & after PE, I lost something precious to me okay! .. ): Neverminds. Some mathafucker took it, ohgod! I swear if I ever found out who did it, I'm gonna kill that personszxszxxzs! Whatever shit. After school, headed to Sing post. & damn it, I lost the same thing. Keep on losing things.. Suey day ):

"Missing someone is the kind of hurt a heart should be thankful to feel."

爱上你不需要理由
你到底懂不懂
可是怀念竟比失去还要更难受
爱让我想起你的时候泪禁
不住滑落
可惜你永远都不会
我爱你我想念那时候的我们

2010-04-26T21:00:00.010+08:00

Dear babies,

Guess what ? Yesterday, Mr. Hubby Yeo called me!!! :D Do y'know how elated I was ? Ohmygod, I really cannot believe this. He said he miss me alot, he told me how've I been, & he was actually jealous on something, he still cares for me alot, he thinks negative, but still he trusts me. I swear I was flying away, my heart was beating speedily. I was so speechless, I couldn't say anything at all. My heart was at my mouth! I love him & I missed him so much. Hubby yeo was feeling sick & unwell. When I wasn't by his side, he remembered every single thing that I told him, he remembered to drink plentiful of water & he know I'll be worried sick if he was ill. Therefore, he really took care of himself. But what about me ? I feel so pathetic, because I couldn't fulfill the things that he wanted me to. I'm utterly sorry hubby, I know you feel kinda disappointed in me. Trust me, I'll take further notice about that all right ? & he told me that when we're on a separation, he wanted me to treat my parents well & happy & spending enough time with my friends. & YES! I DID IT :D Whee. He was SO proud of me! But I should put in more & more extra effort. Part of it, my studies ! From there is where he wanted me to be more cultivate, stand strong & firm, independent on myself, think wisely, not to be so obnoxious towards my parents, & to pinpoint where are my mistakes are. I realised, I kinda understand things to a certain extend & experience lots of things in life. When his in school, his been asking his friends where are the most romantic places in Singapore. Hubby yeo wanted to bring me go somewhere around Adam's road, a nearby park! :D Can you see that ? His actually taking the initiative to ask his friends where are the places. WHOO! SO SWEET :D Hubby said he wanted to bring me to Universal studio, but it's kinda costly. Entrance fees + inside, you've to pay a little extra more. But hubby, never mind. There'll be time for us to go, so don't worry okay ? I don't go around looking for guys with a dollar sign. It's only you alone okay ? Cause you're the one whose able to give me what I want by the word, "HAPPINESS!" By the way, my heart totally sank when he told me about how he lead his daily life, I know he doesn't have sufficient rest all along because he has to help his mother attend the stall immediately after school. & keeping himself occupied, he didn't wanna think unpleasant stuffs about me. He was worried sick about me, but rest assure hubby. I'm leading my life perfectly well, I'm taking good care of myself. I'll live for the sake of you. So believe in me alrights ? (: He actually told my friend to tell me whatever he had mention above. I feel.. OHMYGOD LA! :D Whoo lala! AND TODAY! I CALLED HIM ! But sadly.. he was busy ): but never mind ! AT LEAST I GET TO HEAR HIS VOICE :D Hehe. & his meeting me THIS SATURDAY! :D Babies, ain't you happy for me ? Whee!~ At last man ! :D Some girl which I'm long not happy about already, just stared at me for some unknown dumb reasons._. PERHAPS, she wasn't happy about the past incident. That was infuriating, BUT HanaYeo did some GREAT achievement :D The moment I thought of hubby, I promised him I'll not find any unnecessary problems. My range of anger just swash away. He said was right, all these things are just a waste of time. I rather do something worthy then getting pissed off with some unnecessary troubles. Just forget about it, take it as I never see it, I never hear it! :D Yeaps, & this shows how great love is :D Whee! I'm feeling so happy! :D

Well, basically, even though today is Monday blues but I was so cheery & hyper when I went to school. But after school, I went to laminate my hubby photos. I need to say vulgar in here, so pardon me. Cause I swear I was damn pissed off with that bitch. That bitch ruin my mood & my precious pictures. I didn't told her I wanted one piece, I wanted wallet size. & there she goes, she ruin everything. Yea, & I went up block crying like some pathetic girl, Kimsia said was right, I'm crying something REALLY REALLY precious to me. I'm gonna laminate those photos again, I swear. My heart feels goddamn it heavy la ):

Mr. Hubby Yeo Guo Hong Kenneth,
I need you very much now.
I miss you very much now.
I love you. I want you by my side now.
Can ? ... ):
Sometimes, being on separation isn't a bad thing at all.
Cause it benefits you & I. I never took notice of it.
Because all I ever thought is I'll lose you forever.
But fear not, you'll always there to stand by me.
Missing you, is something I've to go through all these agony.
Even though it's miserable, but I'll wait for you.
I love you with all my life (:

2010-04-23T21:19:00.007+08:00

Dear babies,

School ended at 10:15am today. Early dismissal, SHIOK UH! :D Abit chaos happened, we were playing catching half way, abruptly PohCC came. Everyone jidao sian.. ): Cannot play, return back class for lesson, merely 15mins can go home already! Whee:D Afterwhich, headed to coffeeshop, cause Mr. IanGoh wanted to have his lunch, he damn famished already. From now onwards, I MUST control his diet already :D Heh heh! It will be hell for you man brother, good luck! Then, Ian & Kimsia kup taxi fare to aljunied swimming complex. Thanks babies :D Swim, sun-tanning for 1hour, then I went back home. So does, Mr. IanGoh & Mr. GohKimsia.
& like fuck, I GOT SUNBURN! HELPPPPPPPPPPPPP! .. D:

I was at Aljunied Cresent.
I wanted to ring you up, something took me back.
Our agreement.
I miss you so much. Do you miss me like the way I do ?
I'm sorry, tonight..
I've got to break my promise. I need to cry.
Haha, I taste so much saltiness. Pathetic, isn't it ?

"Having no communication with you for awhile is like drinking coffee without sugar, it's not"
complete or should I say my life is not complete when you are not here beside me. I miss you.
"Missing someone, the agony you are going through, it's really really hard to endure. It's too"
unbearable.

2010-04-22T22:55:00.005+08:00

Dear babies,

Today.. I had loads of fun. I swear man! HAHA. Went over to city hall with Brother Ian, Kimsia & his girlfriend. Slacked at esplanade. Nabei, suddenly, heavy rain & there was obvious acid rain. So becareful okay babies ? (: Hmmms, afterwhich Goh Kimsia send his girlfriend back home. While me & Ian went to the roof top of esplanade & we camwhored, whoot! Pictures will be uploaded, so don't worry. Then, headed to our school cause Minister came. But we didn't get to see la.. ): Kimsia came too. Slacked at ubi, I'm like some lunatic girl dancing & taking pictures with my two boys! HAHA. But anyways, it was worthwhile :D Whee, had fun today! Thanks Mr. Ian Goh & Mr. Goh Kimsia. Thanks for creating so much memorable, pleasant memories for me. Love you guys ♥

*And for my wife: Trenna Koh Yan Ting, we'll wait for you till you can come out. We'll never forget you. I love you, My wife :D

2010-04-21T22:25:00.011+08:00

Dear babies,

20th April 2010

Went for conselling at SGH yesterday. Sighs, terrifying news. Therefore, I've to buck up everything right now.. ): Whoo. Daddy talk to me, whole load of craps. Started to assume, blahs. Kept quiet all the way lor. Didn't ate dinner, cause I was too dishearten.

21th April 2010

School was alright. Portray Ju-on & trying to make Foo Qingting petrified, hilarious okay! :D Last 2periods, nabei! Goh Kimsia make me fucking dulan. Shouted & scolded him. Damn him la! Y'know I don't have the patience, y'know I don't like to wait. & yet you did the same thing. Forget it! Weather wasn't our side today, planning to go swimming. Ended up showers with lightning. Fuck lor.. ): BUT THEN, rain stopped. Therefore, headed to Bedok swimming complex. Had loads of fun, wheet! After which, Mr. Goh Kimsia had tuition at 5:30pm. So Ian & me went home. Heh heh!

I believe every teenager like me wants to be beautiful.
But being beautiful doesn't mean by leading yourself through psychological factors.
The agony I'm enduring could be a burning flame.
Needles can be injected, it's really brutal. I
don't want my beloved ones going through all these pain.
Don't suffer like the way I do.
I don't want to leave you clanging along, I want to tell before it's too late.
I'm begging you on my knees on toes, please be healthy.

I was so unique, now I feel skin deep.
Count on make-up to cover it all,
fighting to make the mirror happy.
Sometimes I wish I was someone other then me.
Look inside my heart & to be amazed..
Someone hear my cry, I'm dying for a new life.
I just want to be worthy of life, I want to be beautiful.
I'm trying to find whatever is missing..

Edit by Tiffany, thanks alot babe :D

Stupid candid snapshots by Ms. Georgina Loh Kar Ni Na!
My face macham like buang liddat, & baby's face.. *TOTALLY SPEECHLESS ! :D

YA! This is Ms. Georgina Loh Kar Ni Na which I'm talking about!._. Argh.
But love her la.. (:

Not trying to be pretty please. Just getting ready to put on THICK FOUNDATION to scare Ms. Foo Qingting
by portraying as Ju-on. Tmd! Make me use 2 wet tissues, HELLO! DAMN PAIN & HOT LEIS._.

2010-04-19T21:17:00.007+08:00

Dear babies,

Alrights. Today really was a tedious day in school, I swear man! Zzz. Weather was so warm, that made me so lethargic. I needed sleeps, but couldn't. Neverminds. I'm really fatigue, running out of energy. Kimsia was injured, physician said his muscles teared. Therefore he didn't come school, me & Ian went to find him instead (: But his feeling alright now, his coming to school tmrw. Hopefully, tmrw will be a better day for me instead. Whee! :D Heading for my bed now, freaking exhausted! Good night babies.

FML.

It's been merely 2days. I miss you.
How have you been? Have you been drinking sufficient water?
Has your fever & flu subsided? Have you taken good care of yourself?
Have you ate? Have you been sleeping well? Have you been eating well?
I'm worried & anxious about you.
These few days, the weather hasn't been that good.
So remember to take good care of yourself when I'm absent.
It's the day, I want to see my Mr. Hubby Yeo healthy & fit.
I love you.

My love, this song reminds me of you & your vow .. (:

2010-04-18T19:09:00.002+08:00

Dear babies,

Sighs. I'm feeling so dejected for the past few days.. ): Had a really big controversy with mommy. I don't know what's gotten into her. & in the morning, the first thing I saw was the toilet door being dismental! WHAT THE FUCK! & She's like saying that I'm really obnoxious towards them, I mean like when? I know when I change, I needn't to say it out. But hello! Don't you think you've gone overboard? I swear today really was the bad one, scream at her! Ate alot alot, crop myself in the room. I didn't know what to do, called Kimsia, he didn't pick up afterwhich he said he can't make it. Cause he has got to rush his D&T journal & his leg cramp due to Friday's incident. & Ian, said he wanted to slack with me but he has flu. I said Singpost, he said once again he has flu. Fuck, called love. He gave me loads of advice, mommy & daddy are reaching their prime age, therefore they can be more demanding & short-tempered. If fire goes against fire, things wouldn't work out well. In order to put out eveything, I must be the water._. & It's the best time to be more tolerant & think smart. Sighs, thanks love. You really help me, plus you even joke around with me. Can't even figment you mature me alot. I love you! Sighs, I'll be attending alot of stress nowadays. So god bless.. ): Just went berserk, started binging in the toilet. TOTALLY DISASTER! Believing that by binging will help me decrease level of stress. Indeed. My throat hurts like fuck now, thanks alot mom & dad.

2010-04-18T11:30:00.009+08:00

17th April 2010 ♥

HAPPY 2YEARS 3MONTHS ♥
TO: Mr. Yeo Guo Hong, Kenneth & Mrs. Yeo Xin Yi, Fiona

It's our 2years 3months yesterday. We didn't went out, but I had a really memorable 4hours with Mr. Hubby Yeo :D something bad happened. His father suddenly went berserk, shouting at his mother & started throwing things. I was petrified & dumbfounded. God! I didn't care that much, as long as I get to accompany Mr. Hubby Yeo, I'm more then contented. Thank you, my love.

My love, the moment you walk away..
I never thought the agony that I'm bearing, I couldn't endure.
I miss you so much, I needed you by my side.
My love, remember to fetch me okay?
I'm looking forward to every month, 17th.
Note that, I love you eternity..

"If you hide, I'll seek for you. If you're lost, I'll search for you. If you leave, I'll wait for you. If they try to " snatch you away from me, I'll fight for you. Because I can never lose someone I love.

RAP:如果说这世界不够完美不够好
一定是在等我们
亲手给它变得美好 (爱上你~)
就像爱看起来会那么少
一定是在等我们 (爱上你~)
一起勇敢寻找一起找到

一片片落叶为开出个花园
手牵手挨过整个冬天
每只蝴蝶为了飞为了翩翩起舞
先做一个茧

最美海岸线总是要很蜿蜒
才足够让人忘返流连
你的身边要不是比天边还遥远
勇气怎么出现

当你终于走到我的面前
完成所有的画面
就算苦辣酸甜尝过一遍
只剩喜悦

只有我了解这幸福感觉
美得值得付出一切
能够遇见你认识你喜欢你爱上你
感谢我每滴眼泪
只有你明白我有多珍贵
好得值得你为我改变
让你继续温柔交换我灿烂笑容一天一天
到永远那一天

2010-04-15T21:23:00.003+08:00

Isn't it beautiful ? :D Haha. Love this picture to the max!

Dear babies,

Like oh fuck la. Yesterday, I only managed to get 4hours of sleep. Wtf right? ._. Slept at 10:30am woken up by love's call at 12:20am. I can't get back to sleep after that till 1:30am. Stayed up to do something worthy till 3:53am, sleep. Woke up at 5:30, preparing for school. In school, my mood was totally ruin by my sleeps. Just threw my tantrum at Ian & Kimsia ..): Sorry guys, your baby ain't in the mood today. Back afterwhich, I was alright. Lessons carried on. Blahs. & that SOMEONE, I was so infuriated by him. 'Cause he was like indirectly telling me he couldn't let me his phone to surf that one fucking tiny website, the wire went something wrong therefore it couldn't be charge. & that MORON, like saving battery just because he wants to text. WHAT THE FUCK LA, NABEI. Fucking angry la._. Argh. Whatever shit!
Eeeeeyer! Ian & me ate lots & lots of chocolate & ya water couldn't neutralise the sweetness of the chocolates. Anyways, I ate to my hearts content. I went berserk, bought 21 doughnut balls damn sugary! Ohmygod. Whatever shit, saw darren they all, slacked awhile.
And..

I'M HOME SWEET HOME! :D

& guess what? I actually puke everything out. SHIOK! I don't have to be fat anymore.
WHOO HOO! ///^(oo)^///

Alrights babies, mommy shall stop here okay? I'm fucking fatigue now, gonna replenish the sleeps I've missed. Bye bye, mommy will update as soon as possible okays? Nights babies :D

2010-04-14T19:40:00.015+08:00

This is my WIFE, TRENNA KOH YAN TING ♥
We just got married on the 5th April 2010

THE EXTREME DISADVANTAGE !

She is very very annoying, always in battle with me, rough, bubbly, vulgar ( e.g TUR BYE ), guailan macham like me, she doesn't give way to me, has her crazy side, untranqilised, HATES my kisses on her lips, bo tai bo ji want call lawyer print paper DIVORCE ( NI NIA EH! CHAO TUR BYE ! ) LONG-HAIRED GHOST, etc etc ETC ! :D

BUT..

THE LOW-LOW-LOW ADVANTAGE !

My wife has her gentle side TOO! She cares for me alot, but she doesn't express it out. She directs me from bad to right, consoles me when I'm feeling dejected & embrace me in her arms, entertains me with her laolan lame jokes, always making me laugh etc etc ETC ! :D
I love my wife alot therefore, NO ONE snatches her away from me & NO ONE can bully her except for ME ! Before I push lorry long bin at you :D BETTER STAY AWAY FROM THIS LONG-HAIRED GHOST ! I guess you guys also know how to avoid her la, cause when the moment she lets down her hair, can frightens you away macham like.. AHEM AHEM !
I love my wife, Trenna Koh Yan Ting !

13th April 2010

Alrights, back to my post. Well, ytd after school at 2:45pm we had another motivation camp! GUESS WHAT? It's COACH YVONNE ! Ohmygod, can't believe she actually take the initiative to come back & prepare additional day of camp :D I felt all so elated ! Ian actually wanted to go back home & sleep Zzz Dragged him! Wuakaka, thank me & trenna bro. You didn't regret right? Laughs. HAHA. GUYS, if you don't know how to do physics, draw on your exam paper just "there's a elephant in the way" that's the answer :D Somehow, Coach Yvonne motivated me alot, thank god I met her ! Thanks babe. I love you to the core man. Whee~

14th April 2010

& Today, somehow school was actually tedious to the core. I felt really lethargic.. ): But lessons go on after that, because of baby chu, I felt happy once again. Thanks baby :D Went to computer lab, damn fun ! Whoot. That's all for yesterday & today.

My love, I miss you.
I need to hear your voice every night..
I feel very restless, I've been waking up 3-4am these past few days.
Though we're apart, my heart has been always with you.
I need you, I need back your every thing.
I love you.. I'm breaking down. Really breaking down
... ):

I SIMPLY LOVE THESE BUNCH OF FREAKS!
THEY ROCK MY LIFE \m/:D
I LOVE YOU GUYS TO THE CORE MAN!

2010-04-12T18:48:00.006+08:00

Dear babies,

It's Monday today. & I'm pretty fuck up, went to General Hospital. Nabei, make me wait like some kutu fuck liddat. I wanna faster go school la! ._. HAHA! Can't believe the 4beloved ones can make me love school so much I swear. I miss Trenna Koh, KimSia, Ian & JoleneChu! :D Finally today I get to see them! Whoot. School was pretty fine throughout, but I swear the weather is threatening & insanely hot okay! Eeeeeyyyeeeerrrrr ! After school, trained down to Pasir Ris to have my septum pierce. Tears of pain, but after that it doesn't hurt anymore. Because the more you scared of the pain, it hurts alot. Yeaps, kinda like it though. Whee~ FINALLY! 4years, I get my permanent facial piercing ///^(oo)^/// Went home after that, gonna get my head stuck to the book. Mid-year is coming, GONNA MUG FUCKING HARD ! KAMBAHTEHYOH :D

My Ian brother, turn on this music. Totally fell in love with ONCE AGAIN.
Thanks my brother ♥

2010-04-11T12:04:00.011+08:00

Dear babies,

So sorry I didn't update for quite a long time. I'm updating it now, anyone miss me? :D Haha. Well, my health isn't that stable anymore. Getting heavy headache frequently, flu & cough hasn't been going away. Damn you okay! Laughs. Anyways, these few days school was alright still. Going SGH tmrw AGAIN, feels kinda weird. Cause I don't get to see my 3 little babies early in the morning. I DON'T WANT TO GO SGH LA! & ^ % $ # @ ! Sighs. I'll be going back to school after that. So don't worry :D Heheh ! Getting my septum piercing tmrw at Pasir Ris there, ohmygod! I can't wait la. Whoot! Spend good quality time with my daddy & mommy at home :D Whees.

Hello my love [ Kenneth Yeo Guo Hong ♥ ] ,

We've to depart for quite a period of time until it reaches the every month date of 17th, then we're able to contact. I'm miss you right now, do you miss me the way like I miss you right now? I'm like cracking my head right now, cause I've got so much things to tell you. My mind is currently blank! HAHA. Anyways, I'll be very busy keeping myself occupied with things right now. But still, I'll be missing you every single moment of my life. You're still in my heart & that remains. You too all rights? Study hard & remember to take good care of yourself, don't forget to eat, drink more water & have sufficient of sleeps okay? Seems like I've got to wait until my N levels are finished then we can see each other often. My love, I know why you don't want the both of us to keep in contact with one another. Our relationship is ain't stable, we may be the perfect couple, but the not the perfect situation. Therefore, you didn't want anything that upset me & effect me. My love, thanks for being so understanding & considerate towards me.
I'll wait for you to come fetch me okay? I love you, I always will ♥

It takes moment to change history, it takes love to change lives ♥

2010-04-06T19:40:00.014+08:00

Firstly, I want to thanks to those has always been there for me. Whether be it we had a disastrous past, or we once weren't friends at all.
Secondly, they're the ones who put in so much senses in me. I really want to thank them, because they're the one & only who keeps my heart evolves around them. I love you guys for eternity..
Thirdly, they're my saviors.

Jolene Chu Yue Ning ♥

Baby Chu, I really don't know what to say. We had a hug conflict in the past, we sighed the moment when we're in the same class, convincing ourself that we'll not be friends. Fate, let us be together, the bestest & bestest of all friends. We shared many our secrets & heart - to - heart problems, shared many burden together. Therefore baby, now, when I'm totally broken into pieces.. Thanks for putting in so much common sense into me . You never failed to care for me, you never failed to be there for me. You never failed to embrace me with your hug. You're always there for me, to hold on to me & never let me fall down. I love you always baby. You're part of my life, so don't leave. I can die if you leave! HAHA. & we've been together for 1year + already..
Thank you baby, thank you ♥

Trenna Koh Yan Ting ♥

We just got married on the 5th April 2010. & she is my wife from now on, no one can ever bully her okay?:D HAHA. Thinking back, PERHAPS, we used to be enemies? But then, god let us to be together. & there you are, I got you! :D Laopo, thanks for being there for me, making me laugh like nobody's business. You know I was down, therefore, neither did you pressurise me nor bring me down. You were always there for me when I needed you. You gave me your utmost care & love, & how can I be thankful to you. You play a important role in my life, so don't leave. Just like how I did for my beloved ex-boyfriend, I will & I will break down if I ever lose you. ♥

Goh KimSia ♥

Son, you knew every part of my temper, you knew every part of my tantrum. You put up with all my fercious act & words. You never once complained! You're the saviour of this family, you try all mean & ways to help us when we're feeling troubled & sad. You cracked your head till we're save. You're intelligent, I know that. When I'm just like a broken glasses, you picked the pieces of glasses & try to fix me back until there were no bits & pieces of me left on the floor. You tried your utmost brilliant ideas to cheer me up.. Thanks my babyy son :D Thank you! You're important to me, just like a family. Don't leave me fighting this agony alone, stay with me okay? Jiayou ♥

Ian Goh Yuh Bin ♥

Brother, you're the comedian of our family. You too, never failed to make me laugh whenever I'm upset. When I'm at the range of being infuriated or you making me angry, you're very speedy to make me cool with your jokes. I swear. You put with every bad temper I had in me, you never once complained about anything. However, YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME ANGRYYY! HAHA :D But anyways, thanks for being the best BIG BROTHERRR I ever had. Love you ♥

Siti Nur Aisyah ♥

Sayang, do you know how can I ever thank you for having so much fun with you in class? Like having "sex" together! HAHA. Sayang too, I must thank you for being there for me. The moment you saw me crying or when I'm feeling down, without hesitation, you came right up to me & give me your warmest hug. I always laughed hard when I'm with you okay. Can you imagine we're enemies during sec 2? But now, everything has changed. You became part of me too :D Hehe! I love you sayang. HAHA! ♥

Kong Meiqi ♥

Precious, we had many shitty disastrous obstacles blocking our way. But precious, I know I'm a very contradicting bitch. Frankly speaking, I never once regard you as my enemy. I still see you as my friend! No matter how long fate tried to pull us apart, we're still just like a metal rod that cannot be broken apart. Precious, you too! You've experience just like how I experience, hence, whatever you said was meaningful. & because of you too, life goes on. Love you precious ♥

Bunset Natcha ♥

I may hurt you in the past, you lied just for my sake & that was a sin. You forgave me no matter what I did, I remember the day when the moment you saw those slits on my wrist, you cried for me. We went overseas together, & we had a huge conflict. I talk behind your back, you didn't mind. When I'm torn into pieces, you were right there for me. You gave me advices, you made me laugh. Thank you Natcha, even though we may not be as close in the past, we're drifted. For a friend like you, is impossible to be replaced. Thank you.. Love you too ♥

These are the only love ones who were there for me, all they did is to make me laugh & gave me rainbow smiles every single day. & they've never failed to do so about that, I love them so much. I cannot lose them either, because I may just break down. They're irreplaceable, they saved my life. Thank you, I love you guys. When we're stepped out of this school, it's a vow that we're gonna contact each other no matter where are we alrights ? I love you guys! ♥

2010-04-04T15:02:00.004+08:00

3 POSTS FOR THE DAY!
YOU, BABIES MAKE SURE YOU DO TAKE NOTICE OF IT :D

On the way to Tampines, Ian, Ian & me & ME we were happily camwhoring away..(:
Do enjoy it okays, babies? :D

That's all for the pictures babies, see ya! :D

2010-04-04T14:57:00.002+08:00

My love, this song is dedicated to you..(:
I'm happy, happy the days without you.
I can reassure you that, I'm perfectly fine.
Hurt, smiling, laughing without any worries.
Sarang hey ♥

2010-04-04T14:17:00.014+08:00

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, MY BABY SON ♥

My baby son, let's mug hard for the N's & so for the O's okays? You're already 16years old, SO STOP SLEEPING LIKE A PIG IN CLASS! Haha. Anyways, I wanna thank you for always been being there for me when I teared, helping me every ideas when I'm having personal troubles. Haha, be strong just like your mommy is now alrights? Life doesn't end here, it moves on. Because of you & our family, my life certainly goes on. I love you ♥

Dad & mom wasn't home for 3days 2nights, cause they went to m'sia to pray my grandfather & grandmother, shuang shuang go out:D But jidao sian..): Cause they're gonna be back today! Argh. Anyways, yesterday went out with Ian & Kimsia. To celebrate my baby son's 16th birthday. Went with Ian to buy my son's present, called my son to meet us at Tampines MRT at 1:30pm. We thought we had plentiful of time, decided to take bus instead of train. Fuck, nearly landed us at pasir ris & we had to walk for like 40mins++ under the rain. Heng uh! It didn't rain that badly, & WE GOT LOST IN TAMPINES! & some dumb dumb uncle told us to turn right, but then it was a construction site filled with trees. DAMN LA! Good thing was, my brother saw bus interchange while I was the blur sotong. & that idiot brother of mine keep making me laugh while we were walking & he has to be the CHICKEN! WHOOTS! FINALLY! WE REACHED TAMPINES! & I think my son was pissed off. Cause we met him around 2:50pm liddat. HAHA! My apology son.. :P Went Seoul Garden. Tmd, I eat eat eat like nobody's business liddat, eat until my stomach goes 6months pregnant!._. Neverminds, at least I content myself with many sumptuous dishes, ICE-CREAM! Whoot. Espically with the blueberry ice-cream, love it to the core la. & my son went 2rounds of toilet. Laughs! After which, headed to arcade to play his damn car game. Argh, so I'm like being lonely at one corner, sitting like "bu san bu shi" girl. Finished with his game, trained down to my house void deck slack with my little doggy. Head to my house slacked, fuck! Daddy called, too bad! It's late, then they have to go. Depart with a hug, hehe! Somehow felt that I wasn't alone:D Purge out..): & fuck la, I'm down with flu & cough now. & MY KNEE! Damn cold weather, my knee is hurting me now..): Damn damn damn! I'm getting sick. STILL STRONG AS ALWAYS OKAY! :D Anyways, thank you! Because of you guys, my life goes on. I love you guys so much! Thanks for being there for me. Muacks!

Something heavy-hearted come out abruptly that I was in anguish.
I was the one who ended it, but it turns out that I'm the one whose tearing the most.
What a pathetic loser am I. Haha. Last night, I had a really bad dream of you.
Anyways, the agony that he has caused me, I'm numbed to it already.
If she's the one whose able to spend the lifetime with you, go ahead.
I'm always that cheery Fiona that everyone knows :D
I'm able to live my life without you. I know it..
Teared really terribly, but the next day, I'm elated.
Perhaps, I'm happy with my life right now with those beloved ones.
You said you'll win my heart back, will you? God knows.
But still, I'd wait for you. & hopefully, you'll wait for me too?
If the results turns out to be the opposite way, I'm seriously gonna be fine with it.
You've been deleted from my mind. Still, you stand a place in my heart.
No other man could stand the place where you stand before.
It's the curse that you've spelled that made my heart for other guys impossible to be unlock.
Perhaps, if I was with someone else, I can't love him the way I loved you.
My love, of cause I know that you'll live your live fullest, this is what I'm doing right now.
My life doesn't end here, it just continues evolves around with the beat of my beloved ones.
What I could do now is, I'll fulfill your promise to study hard & go for O's.
& still, my love, I'll wait for you. No matter how long it takes, okays? I love you ♥

Somehow, I wanna turn back.
But, something is telling me not to.
I miss you, but I gotta tell myself,
I'm gonna stay strong.
Face the reality, the moment you fall,
stand strong & firm.
Letting go of someone dear to you is hard,
but holding on to someone
who doesn't feel the same is much hard.
Giving up doesn't mean you're weak!
It only means that you're strong enough to let go!
This is me, This is Fiona & This is Hana. The real ME : D
RAINBOW SMILES FIONA!

2010-03-28T13:41:00.004+08:00

Mr. Goh Kimsia, I know how it feels like to see your love one being with another guy. I know it pretty well. But son, you must be strong okays? Your life doesn't end here, MOVE ON! You still have us. Remember? I want you to be happy very very much, I don't want you to fake a smile on your face everyday. Therefore I interfered. I'm sorry for interfering, if I hadn't interfered none of this things would happened. I know what the shit anguish you're going through right now! So, please be fucking strong okays?..): ♥

This song is dedicated to you son. Mr Goh Kimsia.

2010-03-28T13:37:00.002+08:00

Hello babies, sorry for not posting ytd's post. So now, let's talk about it..(: Had 2.4km run ytd, was fatigue to the excessive. But it was worth while, TOP 10! Hehe. After which, headed to white sand. Coincidentally, saw hermun they all. So went Kopitiam to have our branch. Something really heart-breaking happened. I don't wish to mention it here. So, Kimsia, Ian & me headed to scoops. FUCK, my yoghurt ice-cream cost me a bomb of $9.10! WHAT THE FUCK LA. Neverminds, it was delicious anyway. Then went to see baobao, mommy kaopei me ask me faster go home..): Then yeaps. Slept for 11.5hours in total, I was damn fatigue. Blahs:D

2010-03-26T22:26:00.007+08:00

DARLING'S BROTHER, SERGEANT LEI! DON'T PLAY PLAY HOR:D

ME & BROTHER NIGEL!

ME & SALEHA:D

DARLINGG & ME! :D

Hi babies:D I'm feeling so exhausted all over right + I'm having a really bad headache now, but I'm still blogging. Hmmms, school was fun to the extreme because of the last 2periods. Thanks to Noel:D, but anyways, sorry too! Brother never come today..): Cause he went to poly clinic for check up. After school, slacked with Kimsia play poker. Fair game. Went gym after that, then daddy came to look for my teacher chit chat! TMD. Mdm Elna said so much bad remarks on me! Fuck lor. Continued to gym after that, & had pictures taken too!:D Currently, I'm watching a really bad horror movie._. Tmrw's our roadrun, ALL THE BEST!

2010-03-24T22:05:00.003+08:00

School was damn fuck up I guess? Cause the weather is effing hot, for goodness sake. Morning met Ian, Trenna & Kimsia. HAHA! Stupid brotherrr. See la, Trenna don't trust you. Must gain her trust hor! Laughs. After school, headed to LRC._. Tmd! So freaking hard, smart enough, I copy the notes. Thank god, I never got caught by PohCC. Gymed, ex-manjusrians came back for basketball, but heaven wasn't that nice today. It rained. So they headed to gym, caught up with Ho Junhao, that ang mo pia:D HAHA! Cabbed to see baobao, played magic tricks on him. Thanks to Noel! HAHA. Well, guess it's the hot climate & LRC that is making me damn fed up..):

Check out this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN5YbfFszlI

Extremely funny:D

2010-03-23T19:58:00.006+08:00

Do you know how I felt when you said something mean ?
You're my best friend, but yet you said direct sarcastically to me.
I can't believe it, really. I've tried means & ways to be on range of skinny,
& yet you.. Sighs.
What if someone said that to you? Will you feel distress you yourself?
Perhaps to you, I assume that you treat it as a "joke".
But, I don't think so. Because this really influence me very badly, badly!
I don't know what to say about you already.
You really hurt me alot with your words..

What's done, cannot be undone. I'll dis-amend away the pain..(:

2010-03-22T21:17:00.007+08:00

I'm so fatigue right now! SCHOOL WAS FUN TO THE EXTREME, with my family. Like duh:D HAHA! Morning, went coffeeshop. Unlucky for Kimsia & Trenna, they were late therefore they had to run. Ian & me kena caught chatting away._. Shirley wong caught, I can't stop laughing & smiling for the past 40mins! Bro said I was insane, Shirley wong was like goddamn serious & I'm away smiling. Laughs:D Anyways, she nagged at me 40mins. Thats it la! Blahs. After school, slack with Kimsia & Ian then headed down to see baobao. Played poker, whoot! I lost 1match, TMD! I totally black face siols. Neverminds. I won't get defeated easily, I'll bring back all my winnings one day! I love you ♥ Back home, studied Maths & Physics, I MUST have confidence in myself:D Yaynessssss.

Don't know why today damn unlucky, was sent to DC twice. Played with baobao, "HI DAI", "SCISSORS, PAPER, STONE", "HEI BAI PEI", "POKER"! & I'm being humiliated as a DONKEY, & CHICKEN! Shags..): Hopefully tmrw will be a better day, BECAUSE..

Tmrw I'm gonna meet my family first thing in the morning & baobao too! : D
Love you guys to the core ♥

2010-03-21T21:27:00.005+08:00

I slept at 4am yesterday, & I woke up damn it early._. Then helped mommy buy roasted duck! Tmd, walked until damn far leis. Whoosh, I think I kena sun tan already. Like so fuck la! Not the appropriate clothes. Neverminds, worth it still. Cause my sister coming over, I'm so elated about that. Hehe! Chitchat, massage for her:D Love her to the core. Laughs. Hais, don't wish to talk about later part. Really very exhausted already..): I miss alot of sleeps, & I need to replenish 2more hours! Wtf right? Neverminds. Watched xiaxue video, I cried. Cause I'm really very happy, happy for my future with Mr. Yeo actually:D Laughs. & then watch HACHIKO: A dog story. Really very very touching story, MUST WATCH! Alrights, school reopening tmrw.

Should I be happy about it? Hmms, I'm happy cause I'm able to see MY FAMILY TMRW!
YAYNESS:D
Alrights babies, I'm heading to my sheets now. I'm really fatigue right now, eyes are shutting down soon. Nights!

This! THIS is the movie which I'm talking about:D Highly recommanded. Based on a true story too!

2010-03-21T00:26:00.008+08:00

Wah! Today, my internet really damn pathetic. Take so long to load the page! Damn la. Laughs. It's like midnight already, so decided to upload & talk about today's programme.
But anyways..

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, MY BROTHER!

Bugis / Aljunied MRT, Aljunied to brother's house / FINALLY! Sunville, Saint Michael :D

Today is indeed a really very buzzing & get down to business day because it's my brother's 16th birthday. Shall summarise today's programme, headed down to bugis junction to buy present. Coincident, Zhirong & Ian was coming to bugis. Because.. Zhirong treating Ian a very sumptuous branch at SWENSENS! Like omg, so I was sssooo extra la! Zhirong treated me too. Thanks bro:D Kimsia came after that, headed down to aljunied MRT to fetch those people. But then, Zhirong, Kimsia & Me headed down to Ian's house to help out his parents. & there goes, PARTY GOES ON:D Whoot! BBQ, SAUNA! I was goddamn it perspiring like some freak la, like bathing la! Laughs. Played poker ( LIKE SOME LUNATIC AUNTY! SHOUTING HERE & THERE! ) , cut cake, & GUESS WHAT PEOPLE? I own another donkey, TIONG KAI SIANG! Whoot, I won him 9 rounds:D Yeephee! Happy la. Anyways, daddy fetched me. No cab._. Fuck lor. & the small road to main road was goddamn it scary so decided to call Kimsia. I was petrified walking along the deserted road..): While waiting for daddy to fetch, heart-to-heart talk with Kimsia. & he said baobao was a understanding boyfriend up to his limit! HAHA. Me & Kimsia are the same, we're scared that we'll drifted apart from the 4 of us, but I can reassure that we 4 cannot be parted as a family. This is my vow, this is my promise. Love you guys! Thanks for the fun & laughter today:D I had umpteen of fun! Yayness.

PICTURES. I shall NOT let the pictures do the talking, let me be the one. HEH HEH!

AT SWENSENS ♥

Bro & me.

Zhirong & me.

Brother eating seh. LOL!

Awaiting for the ICE-CREAM!!

HERE COMES THE EARTHQUAKE ICE-CREAMMMMMMM!
Beautiful, isn't it?

After eating the ice-creamm, we decided to have some fun wif the dry ice:D

At Ian's house, playing mind games? ♥

THINKING..

STILL THINKING!!!!!.. SO SLOW -.-'

STILL FIGURING IT OUT!! OOPS SA DAISY! UP YOU GO:D

Gave up? THERE GOES HIS FATHER..

At the end, they manage to undone the rope..(:

SUNVILLE, PEOPLE ♥

Elaine & Meihua.

Me, Elaine & Meihua..(:

CHEE CHENGYI! Where you looking?!?!

Like finally, did you manage to spot where the camera is?:D

Bro, why do you look so awkward?!

LIKE FINALLY._.

1, 2..

3!!!!!!!!! SPLASSSHHHHHH!

Me & Hermun ( Tmd! Don't act cute la:D )

Me & Son ♥

Us again ♥

TIONG KAI SIANG, Won him 9rounds of poker:D HAHA! Blueks.

Me & Junwen.

Me & Zhi Cheng.

Poker people:D

DIVE...

AND, PEEK KA!!!

These guys are working so hard on the charcoal to fire up:D Thanks guys!
SPOTTED ONE SLACKER THERE._. Damn you! HAHA.

ME ♥ with some flower on my head, can see?:D Nice shot son.

CAMWHORE IS SSSOO LOVED ♥

SNAPSHOT!

AGAIN!

AND AGAIN!!!!!:D

LASTLY,

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY BROTHER, May all your wishes come true.
Let's study for the N's & the O's! Cheers to our & our family's future.
May the us be never be parted, this is OUR vow, this is OUR promise.
Family & Best Friends Forever For A Lifetime. CHEERS BROTHER ♥

Perhaps, there are more photos to be uploaded? Shall take it from Bro's father:D
Really, THANKS GUYS:D

DARLING!!!! WE MISS YOU..): It's really disappointing that you didn't manage to attend the party. But that's alright, we understand! Love you darling. See you on MONDAY : D

2010-03-17T19:15:00.004+08:00

Happy 2years 2months anniversary ♥

"You don't marry someone you can live with,"
you marry the person who you cannot live without.

A knight in shining armour -

In this world full of hurt and pain,
I need someone who would help me through the rain.
To comfort me when Im sad,
Doing everything just to make me glad.

In this world I need a Brave Knight,
Who would never give up any fight.
A knight who would dry away my tears,
Telling me to overcome my fears.

A knight who loves me for who I am inside,
With him there's nothing more I need to hide.
A person who will still be standing strong,
Eventhough everything has gone wrong.

I need someone who is willing to give me more,
Yeo Guo Hong, Kenneth.
For whom, I can call my Knight In Shining Armor.

Today was a fairytale, 2years 2months. No one can tear us apart, our fate is ours to adjust it.
I love you.

2010-03-16T22:02:00.007+08:00

There is no remedy to love but to love more.
You're the melody of my heart..

"Love is like playing the piano. First you must learn to play by the rules, then you must forget" the rules and play from your heart.

Oh great! The Hana Yeo has finally fell KINDA sick right now. Forced to drink 8cups of water, feeling much better after draining out everything. Laughs. Well, was suppose to go Mount Faber for a run. But Ian Goh, my big big brother has something on. Neverminds, I understand. So went to find baobao instead:D Yayness! Went to plaza sing to pass his sister things, then head back to market. After eating so much, I felt really really fatigue & sleepy. Sadly, baobao turned black face. I understand, I hope I enliven him up..(: Well, after spending our 6hours together, I really felt so much contented. Perhaps, I just need to give a glance at him without doing ANYTHING AT ALL. My heart, melted.. HAHA! Thank you baobao for repaying me back this 6hours, all I need right now is a lifetime with you. After today, you made me realised how important you are. I love you, that's for sure. Then some motherfucking keep on barking ard my ears, head back home. Immediately, SLEPT! Slept for the whole 5hours:D & now, my whole body is feeling so sick._. Damn! Not going out tmrw, staying at home. Nights babies:D

Note: I HATE HOLIDAYS! Argh.

2010-03-14T22:25:00.015+08:00

My precious son, Goh KimSia ♥

My precious brother, Ian Goh Yuh Bin ♥

Look at the smiles, look at their faces, look at the scenerio. There is a MILLION reasons why I love them as my family. Random, devoting, comical people.. A MUCH MORE indescribable feelings, but all I know they are REALLY a family to me. They gave me the utmost attention & they devotes me alot:D I love them, & it's impossible for someone who are so lifeless to snatch them away from me. Therefore, please do not waste your time. For a lifetime, they are my only family..:D

RAINBOW SMILES!:D

2010-03-14T21:46:00.013+08:00

Overdue photos..:D

I love my baby JoleneChuYueNing!:D

Hello babies:D I'm so fatigue everyday, only at times when I feel like posting, post(: Mugging hard for studies it's ain't easy task, but when you're done with it, you really miss the feeling. Laughs. Life is simply just liddat! I miss my family alot, even though I seen them everyday. Wished that 4 of us could stay under one house..): Sighs. Wondering how my Trenna is now.. Hope she's fine!

2010-03-12T21:02:00.012+08:00

Oh my god! Know what people?! Holidays are here:D Yayness. HAHA! & I can't describe my love towards my loveable family, GOH KIMSIA, IAN GOH & TRENNA KOH! They rocks to the core la can. Well, tmrw will be out with kimsia & ian. Sighs, trenna not joining us..): Cause she's in malaysia right now! Damn it la. Then we are gonna have tough physical training over the holidays, train our stamina up & UP:D 2.4km run is on the 27th march! Blahs. Can't wait to see you guys tmrw:D Thank guys; my dearest family! Really thanks for being there for me as much as I need you guys!

MY WISH BIG BIG DAMN BIG DREAM:

I WANNA GO GENTING WITH MY DEAREST FAMILY, KIMSIA, IAN & TRENNA! I WANNA GO ON VACATION WITH YOU GUYS MAN! I CAN'T FIGMENT THAT DAY WOULD COME, THAT WOULD BE THE HAPPIEST THING THAT EVER HAPPEN TO ME, I WILL BE THE WORLD MOST HAPPIEST MOTHER, BROTHER & DARLING MAN:D Don't forget that this is our wish, our promise alrights?(: When I'm with you guys, I'm really very contented, because I would be joking around with you guys instead of a no life person:D Love you guys! OH MY GOD! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST & THE BEST K & NO DAMN DOUBTS ABOUT THAT!:D

Heres a song for my family, enjoy ya..(:

让我照顾你 - 张云京

Hello baobao, I just wanna tell you that..
right now, you don't effect me that much anymore.
Do the things which you wanna do(:
Because, my family "Kimsia, Ian & Trenna" are my only priority right now.
I'm so fucking sick & fatigue of all these shit already,
I'm sssooo fucking immune to it that it's true enough,
I wouldn't shed a single damn it tears for you anymore.
They play an important role of my life now(:

2010-03-08T20:45:00.002+08:00

3 posts today! Happy reading people:D
Especially: My beloved one ♥
Goh KimSia, Ian Goh & Trenna Koh!:D