Sullen routines just seem to appear in my life permanently now. Seeing someone celebrating his birthday, all those delighted memories came overflowing my mind, how I put in my heart & soul to make everything up on your Birthday when you were just 17 years old. I miss those past. Practically, I've learn something, "Apologies doesn't mean you're neither right nor wrong same goes for the opposite party, it just mean how much you value your relationship more than your egotism." If you're to step back into my life again, I'll treat you right like how I first begun my babysteps with you. I'll love you more than before with all my heart. I feel discontented with myself for not being able to understand the undergoing penalty of life enduring all the pain all by yourself no matter how grouchy your situation is and for not loving you more. Have you heard, "Love doesn't need a reason." ? Haven't you ? Well, I guess something proves me wrong. I pondered, perhaps there MIGHT be reasons why I would love you so much that makes it harder for me to move on. But the reason is unexplainable as well as it's unknown. I give my first love to you. I can't stand seeing me & you treating each other as a familiarise stranger. If you were here by my side this instantaneous moment, maybe I'll know what to the next step. But I know one things' for sure is that, I can't always depend on your forever. I must know where I should stand, stand up on my feet. Asshole, you make me miss you so much.